Confusion

Ok, so I have not done any video work yet, but I am still hopeful to get something going :)

So I am reading a book about trading stocks and it's psychology. On thing the author said in the book was that we work off a reward system. If we have a positive input we are more likely to do that thing again and if we get a negative input we are less likely to do it.
I am finding this true with me in some ways. I have been trying to understand what on earth has gotten into me, lol. I find myself so absolutely resistant to allowing myself to open up and consider getting into a relationship. I would like to find someone but I am finding that I am very very... something... against letting myself open up for it. When I look at myself it's as though I don't want to let me get my hopes up because it's an almost dooms day sense that things will fail. But I will overcome this and figure it out! :D
I am still doing very well, happy as always. Life has been a pretty amazing challenge past few weeks. Ugh life. Seems like I am walking in a forest and I have seen this tree many times before. I am not sure where I am or where I am going but I know it will all work out.

Anyway...

This is Life

Sometimes you have to get rid of everything to find something better. Things must die before they can grow. Sometimes life hits us and we change. This is life.

Transition

You know how in your life there are times when you have major transitions on how you live it? I think I am in one of those times right now :)
And I think I am liking it too :)
That's all I will say on that subject right now.

Last night I had a crazy, but very real dream! A friend of mine who use to be very close flew down from Canada to see me. I woke up this morning and had to double check that it was a dream. Crazy how it was so real. Anyway, don't remember all of it but just that she visited and we talked about different things.

Haven't Forgotten!

Hi everyone!

I haven't forgotten my blog! Honest! lol :)

I have been dealing with some interesting reactions I have been having recently and as such have not really been in the mood to blog but now that I think I am getting those more or less figured out I fully intend to be here more often :)

BUT what I am really trying to do is learn how to do some video blogs :D
So if you don't see new post, just check back in a few days and there may be some cool stuff on here! I hope to improve it with some more interesting things here in a bit but while it's under construction I may be slower at posting (you know, like when there is road construction and the traffic slows way down, same thing :P)

I watched move recently and it was set in Canada, particularly what struck me was the Canadian flag. I was thinking just how pretty it was. Funny how things get so set inside that they will always be there.

Well have a great night!

Good Evening!

Good Evening Everyone!

Ah how lovely is this weather! For you who are not in Arkansas it's been around 24C (75F) here! SO LOVELY!

For those of you who have not heard, the girl that I was wanting to date got into a relationship with someone else. Thank you all who offered your sympathy, it was very kind. I really am doing quite well thought! The first day or so was a little shaky but even then I was amazingly good all things considering and now I am back to 110%! Only thing that's not doing so well is my legs! I went out and played ultimate frisbee, soccer, and ran all in the same day! That coming out of hibernation sent my legs into a shock! LOL but I am walking again :D lol and yesterday I looked like an old man hobbling around :P

So what else is new.. hummm... well looking at going into mission still to some degree. I am excited about that. So first step is to go to India for a few months and see where things go from there. And apart from that things are about the same.

God all sorts of bible verses that have been meaning a lot to me. 2 Peter 1 is up on the list. Just waiting to see where God leads me and to see if He brings another girl into my life. Sometime I have to find the right one eh? You would think so :P
Maybe I should increase my sample rate :P LOL JK!!!!!!!

Last thing is the weather is AMAZING! A big reason my blogs are not as frequent (I mean seriously? Would you rather be in front of a computer or outside? Yah, that's what I thought :P )

Fallen in Love

Hey everyone!

Today has been one of those moving days in my life.
You don't always know where God is going to take you but you know it's a good place. Between the stress, heart break, spiritual and emotional storm that took place today I found I am in love. I look back over my life, over the past few years, and I see how God has moved and guided and developed me to today. God again took everything I was holding out for away and I was left with nothing but Him and it was amazing. I find I am totally and completely in love with Christ. It's the most rewarding and fulfilling thing. Things still hurt but covered by such a peace and love that I just had to write about it even at this time in the morning. I am understanding what it is for Christ to be a rock of refuge in times of trouble. Let all who love the Lord praise His name. Amen and Amen.

Wow

Today has been a long day and I think my earth just got shook up a little, probably for the good. On Christ the solid rock I stand.

Joyful Psalm

Did I ever say I love singing the Psalms?
Well I do! I just noticed how when I am very joyful I just start spontaneously singing the psalms :)
It's been a while since I sung any psalms :(
I do miss not being in a church that sings the psalms. They are so beautiful and say so much. Makes me want to visit one some Sunday just so I can sit there and enjoy singing them with everyone. ah so nice :)

The Hidden Something

Ok, so I just blogged about how I have nothing to say and that was true to a degree but it just hit me what I have been trying to say the past few blogs but have been unable to.

So whats up in my life that I have not said so far? Holiness is the answer.
My spirit is at great war with my flesh and I have not relized how serious the battle has been, or perhaps I have realized it but I have not allowed myself to be aware of it? I am not sure but I do know that I realize what I have been looking for!

I am a christian and in such I am to endeavor to live a life holly and acceptable to God. I am a sinner and in that I often want to live a life satisfied with anything BUT God. That is what I have been going through.

So how did this hit me? Well it's because of this girl I know. I like her, she is amazing, she just blows the socks off any other girl I have known BUT I don't feel in love with her! I hardly know her but from what little I do know her and what I have learned about her and her family she is someone I know is SOOO worth trying to get to know. But the fact is that I am so NOT worthy of her getting to know me! I know this and I know that as I am I should not be allowed to date her.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well I have been running after relationships and telling myself that if only I had one things would be better. It is true that I would like to get married but the strangest things have been happening. Over this time I have started to have two things grow stronger and stronger in my life. One thing that has grown strong is the pressing desire to look for a girl now and not wait, to find that relationship that will satisfy (flesh side battle) and at the same time I have found a growing desire to devote my life to Christ and not even consider getting married so that I have more time to give to others in the service of Christ. This second is something that I have never had happen to me and it's interesting how these have both been growing as two polar and opposites desires at the same time.

So I have blogged about wanting to date this girl (and in reality I want to date "A" girl but I know this one is far one of the best) and at the same time I have been blogging about serving others. I know one desire and motivation is wrong (the near desperate attempts to find a relationship I have seen in myself) and the other is so very right! Not to say I am going to ditch the idea of getting married but somehow it's changing.

Remember my two desires? To live a life serving God and to be married and raise a family? Well now it's being reduced once again to one single desire. To serve God. That is a good thing! It clearly has been another strong hold that has been started to get rooted out. I am so blessed with the Holy Spirits work in my life.

So I am glad my eyes where opened to this battle that has quietly been going on in my life so that I can be more aware of it. I am getting more and more content to be who ever God wants me to be. If thats singleness than so be it. If it's getting married to Rachel then so be it, and if it's something totally different that so be it.

The path to holiness is a long one and it will go on my entire life. I need to stop ignoring this battle and consequently some major sins in my life and start dealing with them! The desire Girls/Romance/Sex can get a guy into a lot of trouble as I have seen and I want humble myself so as to give all this to Christ so as to be able to do His bidding for me.

Even in writing this I am finding my heart being more inclined to do God's will and love him (and oddly enough it seems have a purer love for this girl as well) and a stronger desire to be Godly and start being a better stuart with the things God has given me to do right now.

Well thinking of that I should head off to work now and make that money to get my fees payed off so I can get probation off and see if God opens doors for mission work/this girl's dad's heart.

Blessings!

Bloging about Nothing

So I have NOTHING to say! So I decided to blog to maybe get some creative juices sired up :)

So I have found that the more you write, or for that matter are involved in the arts, it seems you have to be constantly looking for inspiration, observations, etc to stir you up. It's like you have to put stuff in to get stuff out. That's why reading books, watching movies, observing people, and things like that help :)

See, I can blog all day long about some of the deep feelings I have. Some of my desires, my passion, and my longings but that gets very old and boring (as I am sure you have seen) so to write creatively and in an intriguing way you need to write something people are interested in reading about! That is my goal.

I think I would like to start working on writing more in a journalist style. If I do go overseas I would like to use some of that time to photograph and write about it and I can start learning now :)

I had/have a friend who is really good in writing but right now we don't talk (ugh) but she was really good at writing and I am sure she could help me learn some things and give me tips on where I can improve. Oh well, maybe someday, who knows.

Thinking of tips, it would be really cool if anyone might ever want to comment on my blogs? lol, I only have one friend who reads this from time to time and she lives all the way over in India! Beauty of the information age eh? I guess this blog is more for myself :(

Oh well, it's good to write and I can help myself by seeing how my writing has changed and remember what I have gone through.

So that's all the randomness I will write for now.

Live from the Met

I am listening to a live broadcast from the Metropolitan Opera that airs every Saturday. Today the opera is Rusalka by Antonin Dvorak. I have never heard this opera before but I am going to get it! I am fond of Dvorak's work and this opera so far has been so good I just had to blog about it!

If you don't listen to opera it's an absolute requirement for you to! Don't listen to just part of it, you have to listen to the whole thing but oh my goodness! It's SOOO good! I am convinced about the best music ever created :)

Ok, I must get back to melting into the music :)

Hope your having a great weekend!

AIDS and the Gosple

There is a video I posted that reports on the spread of AIDS in some of India's red line districts. It is a AIDS prevention promotion video that talks about peoples efforts to help prevent it's spread. While good in itself it does not seem to be even close to enough. These women who are rescued from the sex trade still are left without any type of real hope, they need to hear the good news of Christ. My heart sunk in me as I watched this and I felt totally unable to do anything. The things that these women have gone though, the challenges they face are so different that reaching out to them would be challenging to say the least.

All these people around me are dieing and I can't do anything to stop it. I need to seek God and try to understand His mind on this subject. How should I react and what is the reasons that He lets so many die, this I can not understand. It's to demonstrate His justice as I have learned, but I still do not understand.

Speaking Through Songs

Sometimes songs can say things better than you are able to say. So here is a blog spoken through music videos of today's pop music.

Chickie Chick Flick

I just watched the MOST chick flick movie ever! In fact it's so chick flick that I am not even going to mention it's name due to the slight about of dignity I am trying to hold on to after just mentioning watching a major chick flick. Oh, and I liked it too (as much as is possible for a guy to like a chickie chick flick)

It did get me thinking about a few things.
In my experience and in other people experience it is one of the most amazing things the love a parent has for there child. Parents have this give all kind of love that blows my mind! In this movie the parent is willing to sell life dreams away to help their child and I have seen my parents take on massive amounts of debt without even blinking an eye, dropping everything they had going and coming to help me when I needed it. They watch over me and yet try and let my wings grow. They try and let me fall but at the same time try and make sure when I do fall I wont get too hurt, just enough to learn my lesson. They are ever caring, ever watching, ever giving, ever loving. It just blows my mind the kind of love a parent has for their child and I can honestly say I have never experienced having that kind of love and self sacrifice for anyone that I know of. Mind Blowing!

So it's always dangerous to watch a chick flick, particularly for me. Being the deep romantic at heart a chick flick gives way to thinking and imagining about the day when I can show that deep affection to someone. It's an ecstatic feeling that propels the heart into the clouds! The only problem is I am kinda in a bit of a box so my heart gets propelled into the ceiling *OUCH!*, but some day soon I look forward to having that whirlwind of romance free me to fly into the clouds and just sit there gazing at the stars on a dark, clear, crisp night with that someone I love. What a day.

Hey!

Good morning everyone!

So I am really thankful with moving in with Kyle. We get up every morning on the weekdays and read the psalms, pray, and work on our memorization! It's great! The daily reading really really does work in your life, it's awesome! I have never had such a consistent reading time but I am finding this is food for the soul and I am so thankful! I can't wait to be able to do the same thing when I get married because you are even closer and more connected then but even now it's great!

The Holy Spirit is CLEARLY changing things in my life to move me somewhere, not sure where. So I am not sure where God is moving me now but I will have to wait and see. I am very happy with being here in Arkansas but maybe God has plans for me else where. I don't mind going wherever God leads me :)

The weather is so nice outside right now! I am also working on spending less time on the net seeing as how I have built an unhealthy habit of spending too much time online. It's been built over several years so breaking it will take some work but because of this I may be blogging less frequently and spending more time doing things I have always wanted to do! :D I am very excited because I waist a lot of time on the computer and I have wanted to read more, get more involved in activities, and just do more things so hopefully by God's grace I will do that now :) God's helping push me off line so I think things are looking good :)

May all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
say continually, "Great is the LORD!"

Remember When

Remember When is a beautiful song. I was listening to my friends playlist and this one struck me today. It's just beautiful. Some day I will hopefully be able to say these words to my love.

Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when

Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when

Almost Done

I am almost done with my big upfront car bills :)
By the end of next week I will have all my big bills squared away and payed for which will be great! I have so many abnormal bills that I don't have rock hard figures for that it is making it extremely hard to get my mind around where I currently stand in regards to next months bills and getting my court cost all payed off so I can try and get probation over!

Lord willing probation will be taken off and that means I will be able to do all sorts of things I really want to do! I will be able to see about saving for a trip to India, maybe dating this totally amazing girl, saving more money and just putting this stage of my life behind me! I don't mind it too much but it does seem to make a habit of getting in my way for very very important things so it will be nice to be over with it :)

The weather here is AMAZING! I am spending WAY more time outside now. SO nice compared to being inside in front of my computer :D
I have been running, I will start biking soon, hopefully swimming, and kicking my soccer ball around in the back some. This weather's warm air is just breathing a new freshness into my days! I LOVE IT!

But there is a country song that said it best, you can have everything but unless you put a girl in it you ain't got nothing. Well hopefully hopefully hopefully that will change this year :) Oh well, I can hope right? :D lol.

Well I got some food cooking in the oven I need to go get out and eat before work today :)
BLESSINGS AND HAPPY SPRING! :D ENJOY THE WEATHER!

Playlist.com

So there is the great site, playlist.com. It's the site I use for my music on the side of my blog (I know! I know! I have not updated it in way too long). But I just found out you can listen to friends music on there as well! it's really cool because you can explore and find new artist that you have never heard of and it gives you something other than your songs to listen to.

Sometimes as I am listening to one of my friend's playlist I can't help but with I could pick their brains about the songs they choose. Each song comes and I wonder, why does she like this one, whats this one for. It's like I am back in my world lit class where the teacher was trying to make a great importance in everything the author said. I was thinking to myself, "Maybe they just said that because it sounded good" lol but I guess we like to look for meaning in everything and so when the author passes away we look for all the possible meanings that could have been there when it was written. Maybe it's the same thing with how we pick our music? I am listening to a particular playlist right now and I am feeling very at peace. Funny how things like that can do that.

Also I was thinking about how every little we need to hold on to someone but that we still need something. I was thinking about people who have been captured during war and been imprisoned for years but because of something, a picture, or anything they held on to the hope of seeing there loved one again. But it does seem that we need something to hold on to if it's all lost it's very hard to hold on. That could be why they try to strip prisoners of everything they have.

I was also thinking about where God is going to take me. I grow more and more sertan that my place is in outreach. Whether it is in the ministry or missions I don't know. I do know that it's where my heart is and even though I could be a pro photographer (and I probably will still do a lot of photography) I have a heart to help others. I was thinking about this in regards to the quality that the girl God has for me will have. I am sure that she will have to also have a heart to serve others. I know I need someone to complete and be completed by and to do that I would think we should have the same vision for our future.

Also, as is recommended by so many people, DON'T PUBLISH YOUR FIRST DRAFT! I never listen to that and particularly with my blog I just write so as to get it written down but if you read my last post maybe I should have listened to that advice! LOL. It was so poorly worded I even had a hard time reading it. Oh well it's what happens when you blog past midnight. :)

Tyrone Wells

Ok, so I just found a new artist I really like! His name is Tyrone Wells, check him out! I will be posting more of his songs on my playlist when I get more of his albums. :)

Tonight work was slow once again but I had some very good tables and ended up making a lot of money. I am very glad for that but sometimes how much money I make does not make sense to me. I make the same as other good servers there and it does not seem to matter how my spiritual life is at the time. I can be doing great and not making very much money or I can be doing really bad in my faith walk and make loads. I was walking out of work tonight thinking about if God really exist because that would not be how I would think He would work. Then as I walked across the parking lot I looked up at the sky and remembered the psalms, "The heavens declare the glory of God" and I also thought of Romans where Paul talks about God's handiwork being shown in His creation. The moon was absolutely beautiful tonight with a light fog that made it cool soft light glow all around me. I looked at it's beauty and even just knew God lives! I don't understand how we works in our lives all the time but I know He is there and I trust Him.
Funny how such small things can be so big :) I am very rational and that is a completely irrational thing that would give me comfort in Him and yet it did.

I also got a soccer ball today! :) I am looking forward to practicing more with it, who knows maybe one day I might actually play it with someone :O LOL.

I am also still looking at going to India next year Lord willing. I want to help the broken, I am made at myself because of not doing that now and my hope is that if I am in an environment that helps me accomplish this I will begin to accomplish this more and learn some skills that way.

I am feeling very normal writing this blog but I will say I have not been feeling very normal this week at all. My girl drive got turned on overload and I just about whent crazy. I am glad I am back to normal at least and have at least a little more of a head on my shoulders now :)
Sometimes I get thinking so much about a girl I loose track of doing stuff that is good for me and helpful for others, or perhaps just preparing for when I do get married, but nope I think about girls. good grief! LOL, but I keep learning that I have a very very suborn and persistent personality that once I get something in my head it's VERY hard to get it out! Well it's how God made me I guess :)

Ok, that's enough of a blog for now :)

Taste of Spring!

I love when you can start to taste the days of spring as they start to push winter to memory! Today I went running in a t-shirt and shorts!

Oh My! I have not been running in WEEKS and man did I feel it today! The entire run was just trying to warm up out of my hibernation! At first my legs where as tight as drums but they started to get the feeling back in them after I helped them out for a bit. Spring is SOOO nice! One of my favorite times of the year for sure :)

There also was a shoe store that is going out of business and I got 4 pairs of shoes yesterday. Gag! Even at half off it was pricey! But I got a new pair of running shoes, flip flops, sandals, and slip ons. So today I was also breaking in my running shoes, ugh, pealed some of my skin off my heal. Shoes like to do that to me! LOL :)

So right now I have 8 pairs of shoes I activly use and I plan on getting at least 1 more, is that bad? lol! I am starting to sound like a girl! Well each shoe has its different perpose. Some are very spesific (like my biking shoes, work shoes, and the soon to be soccer shoes) and then others are general (flip flops, sandels, slip ons, and dress shoes) Oh well, I don't mind if I have lots of shoes (duh right? I mean I spent a lot of money on them! I hope I don't mind! LOL)

So as you can see my blog as degraded into talking about shoes, next up will be purses :P LOL JK.

How Sad

I have not had much to write about. The floods of thoughts that kept pouring into my mind that I wanted to share have stopped and I sit with nothing to say, nothing that seems worth writing. So I decided to watch a movie a friend of mine recommended named "American History X".

It addressed the issue of hate and how it relates to racism and gang violence. It was a very powerful and deep movie that did a good job making it's point but does not answer many questions that should come from watching a movie like that. I would expect many people would view the movie and say, "that's horrible" and leave it there but that is not where it can be left. There are still questions that must be asked by it's viewers. What can I do to stop this, how can I change things, what can I do to stop this hatred, heartache, and despair that exist.

I have had the opportunity to know a few people who where/are involved in gangs and who have similar natures of hatred and racism, it does exist. We live in a broken world with broken people. What can we do to stop this? When I think of these things my heart gets heavy and my spirit feels it's weight.

The only thing I can do is shout the good news. How good is the news of Christ who saves and changes people but how deaf are they. Their life is lost and they are blind to what they are living in and yet Christ can save them and yet they scream and stop their ears and run the other way.

Then I see my own life and how easily I let sin settle in me and how slight I fight it. The same sin that is destroying others, spreading misery and death around is the same sin I glaze over in my own life. How sad.

Pride

Pride has been a pit fall for me for a long time and still is. Ravi mentioned a quite from St. Thomas Aquinas that I thought I would share as I see this as being very true and very applicable in my life. The quote comes from Aquinas' book Summa Theologica: Vol. 7 of 10

"In order to overcome their pride, God punishes certain men by allowing them to fall into sins of the flesh, which though they be less grievous are more evidently shameful."

This along with the Westminster Confession of Faith rings home to my in such a resounding way as to make me praise God for letting me be shamed to help break my pride. Through my experiences I have learned a great deal. Some in being merciful to people who deserve punishment so as to not overly shame and reject them to cause them to fall into despair and potentially become pray for satin. Some in seeing my own sinful nature and being aware that it's ONLY by God's grace that we are not involved with the most debase of sins. It's taught me to learn to thank God and praise God in all things and to look to Him as my source of my identity rather than myself.

It has helped to break my pride in order to begin working a work of humility in me that was not even able to be started before hand.

May God be Praised!

I, Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah

One of my all time favorite messages is again from Ravi and I listened to it once again. It has had the most profound impact on me and even as I listened to it for the 20th time things hit home to me like never before. Remember I have been thinking about mediocrity in the Christian life and God providing a wife. Those two things struck home once again.

I would STRONGLY Recommend you get some time to listen to these messages if you have never heard them before as they are superb.
Part 1
Part 2

(and if your interested I am very much like Ravi's brother and could easily do what Ravi's brother did, lol. I think I was born in the wrong culture :)

India

I have been more awakened to going abroad for a time if not indefinitely. India has come as a place I am very interested in. It has a lot of qualities. Qualities such as:

• Growing Economy
  
• Growing Church
• English as a Common Language
• Family Centric Culture
• 2nd World Nation
• Affordable Living
• Lots of People
  

You can find this in other cultures as well and India is not the only one that is like this but it has caught my eye. I hope to travel around to different places in the world over the next several years to encourage and train Christians. India may be my first stop (assuming probation is terminated early). If my probation is terminated this year I hope to be in India for 3 month the begging of next year Lord willing. It's a big dream that is high up there but nothing is impossible with God.

I would also like to visit Africa (not sure where yet) and spend some time there as well. All as the Lord wills and provides for.

And India has COLOR! I absolutely life the colors common to India. I pray God will use me to encourage and strengthen believers both here and abroad.

The Scenic Route

I was listening to a series by Ravi entitled "Interpreting Failures, Conserving Victories" (Part 1, Part 2). He describes the children of Israel and their 40 year travel through the wilderness. If they had taken the freeway it would have taken them 11 days but God decided to have them take the scenic route and it ended up taking them 40 years.

The point made is that the christian life is not always taking a strait road, a lot of the time God takes us around the twisty roads in our life. This sung home to me because I am a very impatient person, I like results and I like them 5 min ago.

So why does God take us on the long routs? The answer for the children of Israel was found in Deuteronomy 8
"And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no."

Sometimes God takes us on the long rout because it's on that route that we see the most beautiful and breathtaking parts of Him.

This In My Life

"Why God? Why? Why do you make me wait for a wife? Of all people I was the one wanting to raise a family more than anyone and yet you have withheld from me what I desire greatly"
This is a prayer I have prayed so many times I have lost count.

God keeps closing the door on any relationship I have wanted and it's closed so amazingly tight that no amount of pounding will open it. Even now I am waiting to see if God opens doors, opens new ones or who knows. It's terribly difficult yet today I have found such peace as God has been kind enough to start and show me some of why He has been doing what He has been doing. I am at such peace right now since He has opened the eyes of my heat to see this that the frustration has left. The desire is still there as I do seek to be married someday but I am very content to wait in God's time as He takes me the scenic route and shows me the most spectacular insights into who He is and in that continues to mold me to be the man He wants me to be.

God has a plan for me in my life. This is not all done without reason. He is molding me to use me how He sees fit and I am blessed and thankful to be shaped and purified in the intense heat of a most kind and loving God.

Blessed be God my Father, Christ my Savior, and the Holy Spirit my Sanctifier.

Christian Mediocrity

Today is the beginning of a new week, a fresh start, new mercies poured out upon me but last week spoke volumes to my soul. The Holy Spirit spoke to me in so many ways last week but clearly the thing spoke with the most veracity and volume was Christian mediocrity.

Over the past year there has been a continual backsliding into being a lazy Christian. Sin becomes more palatable, the things of God less desirable, life more miserable. My drive and will to fight with all that is bound up in my soul dwindles as the road I start to travel becomes wider and wider.

Blessed be God my Lord who cares for me and loves me. I was reading Psalm 30 today and it's so good I have to post the entire thing but the verses in bold are the ones that particularly stood out to me.

1 I will exalt you, O LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help
and you healed me.

3 O LORD, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.

4 Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.

5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

6 When I felt secure, I said,
"I will never be shaken."

7 O LORD, when you favored me,
you made my mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

8 To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:

9 "What gain is there in my destruction,
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

My friend Kyle and I are going to work on edifying each other unto good works.

So What Is Christian Mediocrity?

It's living your life as if Christ had not died for you. It's being lukewarm when you should be red hot. In practical aspects you will see this in your life in 3 ways.

1. Your reading/meditating on the word daily becomes anything less that vibrant.
   You don't read every day, you find it hard to read, you tell yourself to read but you get easily distracted. God's word becomes an obligation that you know is essential but you treat it as voluntary.
   
   
2. Your Prayer life suffers.
   Coming to God with praise, request, repentance and all the other reasons we come to God starts to seem useless. God is there and you need to talk to Him but it takes time and your too busy or you don't want to talk to God because He may have other ideas for you that you don't like and you would rather Him just listen to YOU and do it YOUR way. But since you know He won't do that you start to ignore Him and eventually He will start to ignore you.
   
   
3. Memorization is not constant
   Memorization is another key to the christian life I am convinced. If you are not actively memorizing God's word you are doing yourself a disservice and opening up yourself to be attacked.
   

If these three things are not present in your life I might suggest to you that your living a mediocre christian life.

• If your not reading God's word you are stripping the tools used to reprove, correct, and encourage you.
• If you are not praying you are not opening up your heart to let God mold it into being more like Christ. If your not praying how do you expect to receive what you have not asked for? If you only pray to ask most likely your asking with the wrong motives.
  
• If your not memorizing you are not storing God's word in your heart to be with you when satin or one of his servants is attacking you. Your setting yourself up to fail.
  

I have been failing at all of these and the cause of that is a slow erosion of my soul. Praise God He spoke to me last week about this aria in my life and has placed me in good company.
Today is the first and with that I read Psalm 1, perhaps my favorite Psalm ever written. Read it.

Moved In :)

I am all moved into my new place and am very pleased! My roommate is awesome and we had a great time talking tonight about our faith and where we are. I have so much to blog! I just have a lot but seeing as how it's 1:30am Sunday morning I will have to blog later. :)