Confusion

Ok, so I have not done any video work yet, but I am still hopeful to get something going :)

So I am reading a book about trading stocks and it's psychology. On thing the author said in the book was that we work off a reward system. If we have a positive input we are more likely to do that thing again and if we get a negative input we are less likely to do it.
I am finding this true with me in some ways. I have been trying to understand what on earth has gotten into me, lol. I find myself so absolutely resistant to allowing myself to open up and consider getting into a relationship. I would like to find someone but I am finding that I am very very... something... against letting myself open up for it. When I look at myself it's as though I don't want to let me get my hopes up because it's an almost dooms day sense that things will fail. But I will overcome this and figure it out! :D
I am still doing very well, happy as always. Life has been a pretty amazing challenge past few weeks. Ugh life. Seems like I am walking in a forest and I have seen this tree many times before. I am not sure where I am or where I am going but I know it will all work out.

Anyway...