God's Mercy

What a day. God has just poured out His mercy on me this evening and my heart has taken a refreshing drink of His cool waters. I have been under just the greatest of temptations over the past few days. It was as though I was holding a great weight on my shoulders standing on the edge of a cliff. The burden so heavy I was being bent low and the rocks under my feet where giving way so as I would fall into the abyss below. Then I cried out and God delivered me! Amen!

He opened my eyes to see He was answering my prayers. I continually pray for being pure of heart and close to Him and He continues to answer my prayers with refining me as gold. The trials hot but the end wonderful. I am learning all sorts of things! I need to pray for deliverance from temptation more and just things about parenting and all sorts! lol, God really does work in mysterious ways.

I am sure He is not finished with me but this evening it has been very refreshing and a much needed break from the fire. I was so troubled inside me today from all of this, more troubled than I have been in a long time, and yet God answered me.

God be praised! Now you may understand more about what I wrote on the 22nd.

Do Events Make Us?

I have been just thinking on how we are made, our opinions formed, and our perspectives changed because of things that happen in our life. We have a system of beliefs that we instinctively know must correspond to workings in our life and over time we will alter what be believe and how we act due to major events that have happened in our life to try and bring everything into a consistent worldview.

Have you ever noticed how much you can learn about a person by listening to them tell about the major events in there past? People will get emotionally involved and opinionated often over things that have a direct relation to something that has gone on in there past.

I see this clearly in my life as major events have caused me to question presuppositions I held that did not cohere with my experiences. I am very passionate about some subjects because of the impact they have had on my life.

The only problem is that basing how we operate or what we believe on events in our life is a faulty system. Peoples experiences are real and they need to be considered but using that as a source to change how you think is faulty as two people may experience the same thing and come out with different outtakes on the subject. Yet it is important because any faulty thinking we have in our world view will NOT correspond to reality and our experiences help awaken us to our errors.

It is further complicated by the fact that some people may have legitimately found errors in a world view and yet because others have not had that experience they may themselves be inclined to continue believing what they believe due to personal motivations. Person A may still have to live in person B's world because person B is fixed in what they believe.

So why am I rambling on about this? I am because the more I am around the more I am experiencing what seems to be an overstepping of authority on all different levels. It seems I continue to encounter people in positions of authority who are overstepping their bounds and using their position unlawfully. This is the experience I am continuing to experience.

So I am experiencing one thing that does not agree with my current world view. I can't find anything that gives these authorities the the extent of the authority they claim and my natural tendency is to adjust my world view so as to line up with my experiences even though it's breaking a very strongly held position. The only problem I am finding is that I don't know if I am right. I think I am right but everyone always thinks they are right.

How do I know my experiences are not misunderstood? How can I judge whether or not there is an error here when it is me and the error is held by many in authority over me? How do I live when I know that the authorities are not interested in giving up their claim to their overstepped authority?
I am still thinking about all these things.

I have been a little sick and I am moving tomorrow so I will probably not be on really till Sunday.

Have a great weekend everyone!

War

We fight a war my friends, we fight a war.

Seems like at every turn there is yet another battle and the enemy is crafty.
I am a solder of Christ, I seek to give glory to Him.
I seek to be able to love with a pure heart not tangled up with things of this world.
A girl I hardly know has my heart, how does that work?
May God be glorified.

God Provides

So I was looking over my cash flow today (like I do just about every day) in regards to hitting some real big goals in a short amount of time. I have the taxes on the car to pay next month, my court fees to pay plus the new car payment and insurance, so a little over 2,100 dollars (a lot of money for me) and after evaluating my budget to see when I will be able to meet these goals I am continually shocked to see God's provision for me!

This is February, the slowest month of the year for servers, and every month I continue to run a surplus (that means more than what was budgeted if you are not up on all that :P )! I don't really know how I do because I budget based on my best estimates and every time it seems there is more money in the bank than I planned for.

Currently it looks like each of those big goals will be met next month! That is a good 2 months faster than I had expected! I am learning more and more that God will provide no matter what, it's just amazing!

Why are our Prayers Hindered?

James Boyce in his sermon over Romans 1:13 had 6 qualities that can hinder our prayers.

1. Unconfessed Sin
2. Wrong Motives
   
3. Lazy at Praying
4. Idles in the Heart
5. Stinginess
   
6. Unbelief
   

Every point hit home with me (hence why I really liked that sermons I posted it a few entries back). I have much to work on in every point but the last 2 are probably the most glaring to me. What about you?

wisdom's words

Some striking passages from Proverbs 20-22 (ESV)

• "A man's steps are from the Lord;
  how then can man understand his way?"
  This was a striking passage for me. I am a constant planner and am constantly setting goals to attain but it's a good reminder to remember that my steps are set by God. My job, where I live, my probation, trying to date a girl. I can't understand my way because it's not reveled to me but I must always, always, always remember it's God setting each of my steps and I must be continually looking to Him to see where the next step is since I don't understand my way.
  
  
• "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
  but the Lord weighs the heart"
  It's the second line that struck me. We all think we are right and everyone else is wrong but somehow it seems like that's not as important as the motivation behind it or something. I really don't know but this struck me and I have not come to any hard conclusions yet. Just thinking of exclusive psalmody, KJV only bibles, and other things that Christians are dead set are the right thing and yet are our hearts in the right place? I wonder often yet God knows always.
  
  
• "No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel
  can avail against the Lord"
  I love to try and get God to do things my way. Looks like I am out of luck, thank goodness :)
  
  
• "The prudent sees danger and hides himself,
  but the simple go on and suffer for it"
  I like this verse because I have a tendency to try and watch for clues as to what the future will hold, whether it's as small as watching the economy to see if I should find a new industry to work in or as large as watching the anti Christian trends in the US to see what life will be like for my family and my children.
  
  
• "Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed,
  for he shares his bread with the poor"
  Over and over I read that the one who gives will be blessed and provided for and it's a continual conviction on my part because I am a Scrooge.
  
  
• "The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit;
  he with whom the Lord is angry will fall into it"
  Again, it's the second line that catches me. I have heard the first many many times but it's always about saying away from the forbidden women. What strikes me is that it's something God will use if He is angry. Just something to think about.
  

what a fallen world

We live in a fallen world and its affects seem close to my heart right now.

There are a lot of things I don't write down because I don't think them best to be written. I once had a good friend, I might even say my best friend, I could share everything that was going on in my life with. I could finish this friends sentences off, knew what this friend was saying even when they said nothing just by the way they paused. This person was just about the most amazing person I have ever met and the fact that I can't talk to them has been hanging around my neck all day today.

We live in a fallen world, because of the curse we have friendships that are broken, relationships lost. We live in a fallen world and it's all around us and it touches us every day in the most painful of ways. My heart is heavy because of the suffering that sin causes.

We often just think of our sinful actions and how that can cause us consequences but have you ever looked at all the consequences that you live with day to day because of it? This friendship is one heavy on my heart today, not sure why but it is, something that was so sweet is gone and why? Because Christians don't agree on what the bible says so we fight over it and split over it and tell our kids not to "walk in the way of the sinner" i.e. the other christian we don't like. How this breaks my heart! "Blessed are they who dwell together in unity".

Dear reader I think sometimes we are blessed with how numb we are to it because even glimpses of it, the slightest reflection bouncing off a dimly lit surface causes my heart to weigh so heavy I think it will sink into the depths and never return.

How this must weigh on God's heart. He does not see it as in a reflection nor is He numb to it's existence but He sees every pain, every tear, every sorrow. How our Lord must weep at times because of this.

Dear reader, we live in a fallen world and its affects seem close to my heart right now.

So so happy

I am so so happy right now.
Not happy like flying high, or living in the cloud, but happy with all the blessings I have. I love my family so very much, my mom and dad, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.

My sister and her family are over for the weekend and it's so good to see them and be with them. She told me to watch a movie, Dan in Real Life. If you want to know what my family is like then you can watch this movie and see what it was kinda like growing up (and still is for the most part when we are all together). Both my sisters said I am like the brother who is the boyfriend of the girl through out most the movie, I can see many things but I will stand and say I have some other qualities :P
But that aside it does look a lot like my family and I love them all so much!
You can watch it in 3 parts here:
Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

I also talked with my lawyer today and he was pretty optimistic on getting my probation terminated early. So that was a word of encouragement for me today! I thank God for working and moving me and I pray He would open doors for me to find a girl to share my life with, to love.
May God be glorified.

General Stuff

So I am trying to post a blog before I go into work and my very kind neighbor dog is singing to his hearts content.... AGAIN! I was thinking, this is one reason I will be VERY happy to move, so I don't have to listen to him bark all day long.

Well I have been looking for another job to fit into my day (or night depending on what job I get). Man has the job market shrunk up! I am very thankful for the job I have with Carrabbas! It pays all my bills plus a little savings but my thinking is that with the tech support job and hopefully another job all that money is strait to my savings! I am just looking for God to open the doors as to where I am to work so I continue to put in applications and wait to hear back. If God does provide me with another job I should be saving around $2,000 a month! Since I am single right now seems like a smart thing to do :)

Thats what I have been doing most of my days, tomorrow I will talk to my lawyer! I am very thrilled to finally be able to hear his opinion on terminating my probation early... whether he thinks it smart or not I would like to know because right now it's getting in the way it seems. In God's providence it is what it is so I need to be open to however He leads me.

Well thats all for now! I am off to kill a dog
*Chickching.... BANG! BANG!*
Ahhhh.... MUCH better! :D

Oklahoma Thunderstorm

I miss Oklahoma... strange as that may sound to some people Oklahoma has a beauty you don't fine many other places. One of the things I miss most is sitting out on our front porch watching a thunderstorm come rolling in. The lightning was spectacular! I also loved to be out there when it was raining.

I remember on many different occasions when I would drag my big yellow reclining chair or mattress out on the porch and fall asleep as the storms started bearing down on us. It was absolutely one of the most amazing and beautiful things anyone will ever experience! Plain rain is boring, Oklahoma rain is... spectacular!

The video I posted does not do it justice but it at least gives a foggy glimpse into it's beauty, complete with authentic bob white sounds! Oh the memories!

So... when I grow up I want to live in a place that has a beach on one said, mountains on the other and gets spectacular thunderstorms! Anyone know where I should move to? :P

Love On Tap

"He set my feet on a rock"
Tuesdays are also great days! God has been meeting me in so many places, showing me SOOOOO much sin in my life in places I was not glancing at! It's SOOOOO amazing! Sometimes your just sure you got problems in one spot and He is like... "yah you do but you got bigger problems here" and He turns your head and opens your eyes to see :)

So today I listened to 3 sermons, 1 was by James Boyce over Romans 1:13 concerning prayer (VERY GOOD), and the other 2 where by Pastor Edwin Blackwood from an RP church in Australia. One of his talked about Praying Without Ceasing and the other about Rejoicing Always both come from the book of 1 Thessalonians.

God is good! We love Him because He first loved us and I will pray and rejoice because of this.
Rejoice everyone! You've got unlimited love on tap, so scoot on up to the bar and start drinking :D

Walking on Water

God's ways are higher than our ways and we can't understand all His movements. There are so many times we have to subdue our soul to God's word, this is one of those times. Being thankful for the events He has put in our past and the way He is directing the future. Sometimes the future can be a upsetting, like a storm on the ocean, but if we look at God carrying us though this life we can walk on water. I need to start walking on water. :)

Good Series

So my mom sent me this series I thought I would pass on to you all. It's pretty good.

It's by Rev. Alistair Begg.
It made me very happy because some of the qualifications I am very strong in but there are 2 that I saw how much I need to work on... ugh... :)

Search for a Godly Spouse

Life is good! :D
Gotta love it! :D
So go out and live it! :D (did you hear that? even a little ryme! Yeah! I am running on to little sleep :P)

Duh moments

I have been having a lot of "duh" moments recently.
So here are a few of them :)

1. The security of our faith rest in Christ Jesus. Over the past few weeks a big struggle I have had is my faith. I have made mention in earlier post that my faith has really been shaken up recently so that I was doubting a lot of things. Questions like,
   
   • "How do I KNOW this is true?"
   • "Am I just believing what I have always been told?"
   • "Am I just believing this because of experiences or 'encounters' I have perceived to have had with God? And is this any different than any other religion that claims to have the same thing?"
   • "How come when I read the bible I am touched? Is this the work of the Holy Spirit or is it a mental state I have adapted over the years?"
   • "How can I really claim to know the truth!? What if I am wrong? How do I know I am not wrong?"
   Lot of tough questions to answer... how would you answer them? How do you know, without a doubt that what you believe is the real deal? Is it based off experience? Your upbringing? Your own desire to believe this thing? How do YOU KNOW it's true?
   
   Well it finally came to me (although it's something I have heard before, it finally hit home).
   I know what I believe is true not because of feelings, upbringing, hipper logical deductions, or the sort. I know what I believe is true because of Christ.
   If Christ was who He claimed to be, then I have all the information I need to know that I believe the truth. But the question follows,
   "How do we know Christ was not a cult leader like all the other religions have?"
   There are a lot of religions who teach a strong moral code, there are some that match the completeness of the christian world view, most all claim some supernatural event to confirm authenticity, so why Christ?
   The answer? Prophecy.
   The fact that we have hundreds of documented prophecy that occurred hundreds of years before Christ's birth and we have multiple sources that confirm the fruition of these prophecies gives Christ claim to authority authenticity. Now if Christ is authentic and His word authoritative then obedience is the only thing that should follow.
   
   Our assurance comes in many different ways and over many different paths but it's often through hard times that we find the most precious gems.
   "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
   
   
2. "Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar?"
   I am sure you all have read the book of James and know the passage talking about faith without works is dead. I have always understood this to be that our faith must manifest itself out by obedience to God, such as clothing and feeding the poor rather than just saying "go and be filled". We need to put feet to our faith because without that it's nothing. That's very true but I was struck by one part this morning that just pulled off a deeper layer to James.
   James 2 v. 21 talks about Abraham and his offering Isaac up as a sacrifice. This is a passage also heavily used by Paul in Romans and even with the weight given to it I have never really understood it. Although I don't understand it fully it's use in James showed me something.
   Not only are we to works to use in the moral code given in the bible, but we are to put it to use in our faith. See, the fact is Abraham KNEW he was walking off that mountain with a life son. His faith in the promises of God remained so steadfast that his actions did not waver. I should have actions that flow from my faith even when those actions seem counter to natural reason. And easy example is the giving of tiths. It is counter intuition that you should pay tiths when you can barely pay the bills but if you believe God's command to give a tenth back to Him and you believe His promise to provide for you then that must work it's way out in your actions. If it does not you probably don't really believe it even if you offer lip service to it. Faith without works is no faith at all.
   
   
3. "Blessed is the man
   who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
   nor stands in the way of sinners,
   nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
   but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
   and on his law he meditates day and night.
   
   He is like a tree
   planted by streams of water
   that yields its fruit in its season,
   and its leaf does not wither.
   In all that he does, he prospers."
   
   Psalm 1 hit me like a rock last night. I seek to be a man who is rightous, steadfast, full of the fruits of the spirit, and prosperous in what I do. Psalm 1 tells me how is such clear terms. For sure an amazing psalm to start off the book. I don't think I need say much more because the psalms is pretty strait forward. :)
   
   
4. Prayer brings our will into line with God's will. I have heard this and the more I think about it the more it rings home. I have been just as stuborn as a dead stump is to pull out when it comes to prayer. I wanted to talk to God but I didn't want to pray (makes talking to God kinda impossible) but I think the reason why is because I was absolutly not interested in being open to God saying know to marring a girl. I was so determaned that she was the one I wanted that I clasped my hands over my ears and started walking around like a little kid making a racket trying to ignore God. It's not like I have given up hope that God will let me marrie that girl but my will is being brought into submition to God's will more and more so if He where to say "no" then I would be happy with it (theoreticly at least) :P
   It's a prosses for sure and I can't say how I will nessesarily react to His desisions, but by His grace I will embrace His will for me.
   

Well it's a new day for a new week! I hope it's a blessing to you all! And again, thank you all for your prayers... I am sure they are working :)

Sundays are always such a good day

Hi guys

Sundays are always so amazing, they are for sure the most amazing day of the week.
I have so much on my heart right now, some of it is just absolutely wonderful and other things are terribly hard to handle. I can't say much now on the latter part but I will talk a little about this morning.

I have been thinking a lot on one question. A wise women once told me not to think about what a girl could bring to me when I get married, but what I could bring to the girl. That question has had me thinking a bit over it because it's easy to see why I want to get married but I was stumped about how I would benefit her. This question plus thinking about the fact that a relationship with God comes first and foremost and that relationship is what will cause my relationship between me and my wife to grow it finally hit me like a tone of bricks what the answer was!

Some of you may know there is a girl I really like (that whole interaction has been the hard part to deal with) and she is such an amazing and Godly girl I was not sure what I could possible bring! Then the answer came, the husband is to wash his wife in the word. Eureka! It makes sense to me now, it makes sense why it's critical for me to have my relationship between me and God right because I become responsible not only myself, but also for my wife. Now I know, perhaps the most important thing, what I can bring to her, and that is a Godly husband who leads her in the ways of God. It's not money or love or companionship or the like (although those are important) but rather being a spiritual leader. I have always know that but the reality hit me today and I now see goals to start striving for in preparing to be a man who is worthy of such an amazing girl!

I don't get why God is having me wait, and why it's for reasons that I don't think are even legit, but He sure is. Well it's perhaps the hardest thing for me to do but I am sure in the end it will be worth it and so much more. I feel like Jacob waiting for Rachel sometimes (a bit dramatic perhaps but I thought it a clever simile) :D

Have a great week everyone!

Chris Young

So I found this new album by Chris Young! I thought I would share my 2 favorite songs :)

Sweet Home Alabama

Have you ever seen Sweet Home Alabama?
I just did and I learned a few things.

1. I LOVE the country and even though the city has grown on me, I don't know how well I could live without being out in the country.
   
   
2. I am NOT, I will repeat, NOT a hick! Ok, someone who has grown up on a farm and who knows how to work hard and work with his hands does NOT have to give away class. So some people like being hicks, I don't know if I will ever understand why, but they do, that's not me! (and if you do like being a hick... PLEASE PLEASE tip your server at least 20%!!!!! 10% is not a tip, it's an insult)
   
   
3. It's a love story, loved watching it but since it's singles awareness day today it makes me dream of not being single anymore, but all in good time as they say.

So I didn't really learn that, I was just reminded of that and decided to say it again :P

Well that's all for now! Got one of the busiest days at the restaurant today, can't wait :)

Moving Forward!

Hey again!

I just wanted to drop a note and say that I am very happy right now! I am moving forward! I think for me that's a big thing because I can't hardly handle not accomplishing goals and moving in a positive direction. I got the car but the start up cost where bigger than I was sure I would be able to handle, but after doing my taxes today I found that I am getting a big refund check back so it balances out the added cost I was going to see this month! That gives me SOOOO much room to keep moving at a quick speed! I am meeting with my lawyer next week and then I will have a better idea what my chances are of getting my probation terminated in a few months! OH HOW GREAT WOULD THAT BE~!!!!! :D

So I am flying hi right now :)

Well off to a great day at work!

Psalm 70

Since today was so busy my mind and body are not even close to being able to fall asleep so I thought, "hey, I have not read my bible in.. just about forever, this would be a great time to help start doing what I should have been doing all along" and so I started reading through the Psalms.

One Psalms that struck me tonight was Psalm 70. This can be my prayer, a desire for rest in God, for Him to come save me from this struggle with myself I have been having, and to give me hope and joy. Why I like it is because this is a prayer you could pray anytime, weather you are winning or loosing the battle you can pray this prayer and call for God to save you.

I also find that every time I read the bible it's the most refreshing thing ever! How silly are am I as a Christian? I have to have my arm twisted behind my back to get me to read the bible and every time I do it's as if I had drank of the coolest and crispest spring water one could find! "Oh how I love thy law, it is my study all the day" :)

I am so thankful for God's continued work in my life, I am learning so much even through my hard times and I can't wait to get on the other side of them and have learned all my lessons :)

I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me, some of you have been a HUGE encouragement to me during this time and I am so very thankful! I still desire your prayers a little longer but am blessed with friends like you guys. :)

Blessings in the name of Christ Jesus to my brothers and sisters in our Lord!

Bills!!! AAAHHHH!!!!

I want to let everyone know... I LOVE MY CAR!!!! It's AWESOME!!!!!!

Today I got all the paper work signed and my life for the next... forever... sold away and in return I got an awesome car! But man oh man do I have some cash to come up with over this next month! So I will for sure looking for places to save and places to earn but it's all good!

I have a few mid term goals (all my goals are split up into short term, mid term, and long term) and one of them was getting a car. So now that I have a car that's really and truly mine I can scratch that goal off my list :)

Other mid term goals I have is getting my probation terminated early (currently working on that), getting a certain dollar amount saved, and the car of course. :)

Ah, I am just very happy right now, I still have not forgotten the war but I am so very thankful for the getting really busy, as they say "idle hands are the devils workshop"

Well, had a busy day at work, and will over the weekend so I should get going!

Have an amazing nights rest everyone!

WOW!

Hey Everyone!


So I have been BUSY since I last blogged! Let me try and give you all a synopsis of what’s been up :)

1. CAR!
   You heard that right! I got a car! (Signing the papers tomorrow but it should all be "set" and just needs to be made official). I got a 2008 Mazda 3 S Grand Turing! It has black leather seats, sun roof, Bose stereo, auto climate control, heated seats, etc etc etc... basically the works! It only has 13,500 miles on it and did I mention it's a manual? :D
   I am very excited about this! It means I will be able to GET OUT more and not be stuck on the little scooter! (cute but it gets OLD fast)
   
   
2. Party!
   Last night I went to a company party with Carrabbas. We went bowling at Fast Lanes from 9-11:30 and it was so much fun! I seriously can't wait to go back! I will say that it was the most fun I have had in a long time and for sure the best company party so far.
   
   
3. Move!
   Well I am moving this month as well! But this move I am very excited for! I am moving in with a guy I am quickly becoming good friends with and my rent will go down as well. So, lots to do in the weeks ahead.
   
   
4. Spiritual Slug Fest :(
   This is the muddy side. I have been in just the absolute most brutal spiritual warfare that I have been in for quite some time. It’s been going on for the past 3 weeks and it's been just killer! Last night I was ready to just give up, I was so tired of being a Christian and how God sees best for me and just the whole nine yards.
   
   I am really really struggling with anger, pride, and for sure stubbornness. I felt like I had for sure lost last night but am glad that today I was ready to try and kick this in the butt! I was like, "Ok, that's it! I am sick and tired of fighting with God! I am ready to kick this stupid sinful nature of mine in the butt big time!"... so the battle continues.
   
   It's not like it's been "hard" but I am so sick of not resting in God and trusting Him and loving Him and this separation is just flat out maddening and yet my sinful flesh is just absolutely so amazingly stubborn! It's almost baffling but oh do I so much more relate to what Paul wrote about in Romans and I know Christ is the victor so I can't loose this war, but man this is a Gettysburg battle for me right now.

Like I said, a LOT has happened since just a few days ago :)

I pray you all are doing well!

Country Music?

That's right! I am going country! (but don't panic, I am only going a very very very very very little country). This song "Lost In The Moment" has been a favorite for a long time but I recently discovered it again!

What I find interesting is when you like someone the things they love start to because things you genuinely love too! It's kinda an odd deal but it sure does seem to happen (even if it happens very very very very very slowly) :D

Todays Lesson

So today I attended a steering committee with my parents church, took communion at my church, and had a LOT of other things run through my mind! Needless to say I am NOT going to get everything I wanted to write down written... such is life :)

Lessons Learned... so far

1. Communion:
   I love communion, it almost always encourages me and spurs my walk. Today I was just looking around at how God loves everyday people. That's like a duh statement right? I have known that but as I was looking around at everyone it struck me how some made a lot of money, others didn't; some where fashionable, others not... it reminded me of James 2 and I was struck by just how unloving I really am!
   I pray Got will continue to work His love through me so that I will be a blessing for others.
   
   
2. Doctrine Requires Love/Love Requires Action:
   I am a very passionate person and very much so in regards to the things of God. My heart desires and longs for a church that is sound in its teaching but passionate in its love. Then I examined my heart and found that the thing I long for in a church is missing in me. I am very "Reformed", but my biggest qualm with the reformed churches is the overwhelming lack of demonstrated love. But where does the church start? It starts with me! I have a lot of talk, and so little real love. James is my book today because I am the man that says "Go in peace, be warmed and filled"and that is that man I DON'T WANT TO BE!
   May God see fit to bless me a love for others, a love demonstrated by actions.
   
   
3. Hollywood Love:
   Since love is in the air today, might as well comment on the Hollywood love as well. I don't know why its so amazingly hard for me to be content with where God has placed me in life right now. I seem very content with most everything He is doing with me apart from this overwhelming desire for a wife! It does seem that when God is closest so is the desire for a wife and this is the absolute most difficult thing emotionally I am dealing with. Submit my emotions to waiting on God and being at peace and content with His timing is a constant ordeal it seems.
   May this time grow me closer to Him.
   

Tick Tock

As I was coming home from work tonight I vanished into the shadows and just watched our world for a few minutes. It's nice to vanish away and get a little perspective, to watch the cars speed by this way and that. Everyone has something to do, someplace to be; like a giant clock that never starts and never stops and forgets why its ticking.

I started to think about my life, to look at how the hands on my clock keep ticking by. Isn't it interesting how we can only see the clock ticking in our lives but we don't know where it's taking us or why? So many times we can't explain events that happen in our life all we can do is ride on the giant hands of the minutes as it carries us around and around.

So why so melancholy today you may wonder? It's due to the fact that the most amazing thing God created, the women, always happens to be tied to these things we call parents! Time and again I am told I am not to continue in a relationship with her, the reasons tend to be obscure or seemingly unattainable. This has to be the hardest thing I face, the desire for a wife and yet the seemingly endless resistance I get when pursuing the girl. It's so tiring and exhausting and frustrating to be constantly told no and to wait, particularly when I can't understand the reasons.

The past few weeks have been extreme for me, and I am afraid I am not out of the thick of it yet. I have been shaken down to the core, even to the extent of being angry at God, doubting His existence, and fighting to force Him to give in to my demands.

I am pleased to say that He has kept me through the darkest part and continues to keep me as I am taken out of the miry pit. I still struggle daily with my stubbornness and the desire for the most amazing girl sometimes feels as though blades are cutting my heart into ribbons that are left to dry in this hot desert wind.

But the Good News is that Christ has won this battle for me.
The Good News is that my salvation is not kept by me but rather by the Holy Spirit.
The Good News is that the Father is long suffering.
The Good News is that we are saved by grace through faith... and at the end of this very hard week I find I still have faith and I know its only because of God's grace because so many times I was so angry I didn't want that faith, but it remained all the same.
The Good News is that this is nothing new with me, I have never somehow been more holy or a better person, this is the real me and God decided to save me so He sent Christ who gave His life for me.
What Good News... it really is the Gospel of Christ.

Psalm 40

Blog!

Well My blog is not all finished and it may be a while before I get it looking the way I want it to but I am gong to start using it anyway! So enjoy! (or laugh, ether one works :P)