Tick Tock

As I was coming home from work tonight I vanished into the shadows and just watched our world for a few minutes. It's nice to vanish away and get a little perspective, to watch the cars speed by this way and that. Everyone has something to do, someplace to be; like a giant clock that never starts and never stops and forgets why its ticking.

I started to think about my life, to look at how the hands on my clock keep ticking by. Isn't it interesting how we can only see the clock ticking in our lives but we don't know where it's taking us or why? So many times we can't explain events that happen in our life all we can do is ride on the giant hands of the minutes as it carries us around and around.

So why so melancholy today you may wonder? It's due to the fact that the most amazing thing God created, the women, always happens to be tied to these things we call parents! Time and again I am told I am not to continue in a relationship with her, the reasons tend to be obscure or seemingly unattainable. This has to be the hardest thing I face, the desire for a wife and yet the seemingly endless resistance I get when pursuing the girl. It's so tiring and exhausting and frustrating to be constantly told no and to wait, particularly when I can't understand the reasons.

The past few weeks have been extreme for me, and I am afraid I am not out of the thick of it yet. I have been shaken down to the core, even to the extent of being angry at God, doubting His existence, and fighting to force Him to give in to my demands.

I am pleased to say that He has kept me through the darkest part and continues to keep me as I am taken out of the miry pit. I still struggle daily with my stubbornness and the desire for the most amazing girl sometimes feels as though blades are cutting my heart into ribbons that are left to dry in this hot desert wind.

But the Good News is that Christ has won this battle for me.
The Good News is that my salvation is not kept by me but rather by the Holy Spirit.
The Good News is that the Father is long suffering.
The Good News is that we are saved by grace through faith... and at the end of this very hard week I find I still have faith and I know its only because of God's grace because so many times I was so angry I didn't want that faith, but it remained all the same.
The Good News is that this is nothing new with me, I have never somehow been more holy or a better person, this is the real me and God decided to save me so He sent Christ who gave His life for me.
What Good News... it really is the Gospel of Christ.

Psalm 40