Dear America...

Dearest Reader,

I looked up the etymology of the word "DEAR, precious, costly, beloved. Root unknown. Der. dear-ly, dear-ness; also dar-ling". It made me think how it is interesting how we use it as a general greeting for our letters. I use it to talk to my girlfriend but as a general heading? As a way to address the readers of this blog? I found that interesting to consider.

But to more pressing and deeper subjects at hand...

America is in a sad state.
Did you know there are some organizations in protest of the government? Well if you didn't there are and they have been around for a long time but the one that struck my interest was the organization that claims the name TaxDayTeaParties. They see the government's over spending as an outrage. Whether you agree or don't I was thinking about the name.

The problem with the name is that right before our independence the boston tea party destroyed the tea that had a tax on it that was placed there without us being represented in the government. The crime was not that there was a tax but rather that we where not represented. It was an unlawful tax. Back then they understood that if they where represented then even if they did not like what the representative decided they still paid the tax.
It was the principle that the boston tea party was trying to show, not the tax. I find it interesting how these right wing conservatives are now protesting the TAX rather than the PRINCIPLE and yet claiming the name of the legendary group that protested the PRINCIPLE rather than the TAX.

I do believe there are far too many people in this wonderful country who, in the name of reclaiming our heritage, have lost the principles that made this country great.
It goes further than that, not only have the people who claim to be reclaiming our heritage lost some of the founding principles of our country, the fast MAJORITY have lost even the notion of our founding principles.
But sadder still and by far the most telling sign of where my country that I love is, the fast majority of our churches have lost the founding principles that are required to sustain any country. We have lost our foundation on God's word and once the foundation is destroyed the building will claps.

Our foundations are near a state of ruin... how much longer till the building collapses?

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

Taste and See!

Taste and see the Lord is Good!

Wow is about the best words one can use to describe the past week or two! It's crazy, beautiful, amazing, and tasty! So much is going on and due to being pressed for time I can't tell it all right now but I will give a short summery.

I am dating about the most amazing girl ever born on this earth! She is a true jewel! Her name is Jenny and I absolutely am taken by her!
The most amazing times together are when we read the bible and pray! You will just have to ask me about it but it's so very amazing! The time just slips away from us as we are with God and I think we would rather spend more time praying than we would talking to each other! It's just the most amazing thing ever! You really start to understand what it is to taste and see the Lord because every time we are done praying we feel like we have just eaten at the most amazing restaurant ever! For sure it would be a $250 tab if it was (and that means you tip how much? If you said $50 you where correct :P )

I am also moving and God is working in my life and I am looking for a new job and seeing when I can fly to India and all sorts of things. It's busy but very very exciting and amazing and lovely and everything. I am blessed with blessings upon blessings.

God is just opening doors it seems and I am so excited to wait on Him to see where He leads me and what doors He opens for me!

Praise the Lord!

Confusion

Ok, so I have not done any video work yet, but I am still hopeful to get something going :)

So I am reading a book about trading stocks and it's psychology. On thing the author said in the book was that we work off a reward system. If we have a positive input we are more likely to do that thing again and if we get a negative input we are less likely to do it.
I am finding this true with me in some ways. I have been trying to understand what on earth has gotten into me, lol. I find myself so absolutely resistant to allowing myself to open up and consider getting into a relationship. I would like to find someone but I am finding that I am very very... something... against letting myself open up for it. When I look at myself it's as though I don't want to let me get my hopes up because it's an almost dooms day sense that things will fail. But I will overcome this and figure it out! :D
I am still doing very well, happy as always. Life has been a pretty amazing challenge past few weeks. Ugh life. Seems like I am walking in a forest and I have seen this tree many times before. I am not sure where I am or where I am going but I know it will all work out.

Anyway...

This is Life

Sometimes you have to get rid of everything to find something better. Things must die before they can grow. Sometimes life hits us and we change. This is life.

Transition

You know how in your life there are times when you have major transitions on how you live it? I think I am in one of those times right now :)
And I think I am liking it too :)
That's all I will say on that subject right now.

Last night I had a crazy, but very real dream! A friend of mine who use to be very close flew down from Canada to see me. I woke up this morning and had to double check that it was a dream. Crazy how it was so real. Anyway, don't remember all of it but just that she visited and we talked about different things.

Haven't Forgotten!

Hi everyone!

I haven't forgotten my blog! Honest! lol :)

I have been dealing with some interesting reactions I have been having recently and as such have not really been in the mood to blog but now that I think I am getting those more or less figured out I fully intend to be here more often :)

BUT what I am really trying to do is learn how to do some video blogs :D
So if you don't see new post, just check back in a few days and there may be some cool stuff on here! I hope to improve it with some more interesting things here in a bit but while it's under construction I may be slower at posting (you know, like when there is road construction and the traffic slows way down, same thing :P)

I watched move recently and it was set in Canada, particularly what struck me was the Canadian flag. I was thinking just how pretty it was. Funny how things get so set inside that they will always be there.

Well have a great night!

Good Evening!

Good Evening Everyone!

Ah how lovely is this weather! For you who are not in Arkansas it's been around 24C (75F) here! SO LOVELY!

For those of you who have not heard, the girl that I was wanting to date got into a relationship with someone else. Thank you all who offered your sympathy, it was very kind. I really am doing quite well thought! The first day or so was a little shaky but even then I was amazingly good all things considering and now I am back to 110%! Only thing that's not doing so well is my legs! I went out and played ultimate frisbee, soccer, and ran all in the same day! That coming out of hibernation sent my legs into a shock! LOL but I am walking again :D lol and yesterday I looked like an old man hobbling around :P

So what else is new.. hummm... well looking at going into mission still to some degree. I am excited about that. So first step is to go to India for a few months and see where things go from there. And apart from that things are about the same.

God all sorts of bible verses that have been meaning a lot to me. 2 Peter 1 is up on the list. Just waiting to see where God leads me and to see if He brings another girl into my life. Sometime I have to find the right one eh? You would think so :P
Maybe I should increase my sample rate :P LOL JK!!!!!!!

Last thing is the weather is AMAZING! A big reason my blogs are not as frequent (I mean seriously? Would you rather be in front of a computer or outside? Yah, that's what I thought :P )

Fallen in Love

Hey everyone!

Today has been one of those moving days in my life.
You don't always know where God is going to take you but you know it's a good place. Between the stress, heart break, spiritual and emotional storm that took place today I found I am in love. I look back over my life, over the past few years, and I see how God has moved and guided and developed me to today. God again took everything I was holding out for away and I was left with nothing but Him and it was amazing. I find I am totally and completely in love with Christ. It's the most rewarding and fulfilling thing. Things still hurt but covered by such a peace and love that I just had to write about it even at this time in the morning. I am understanding what it is for Christ to be a rock of refuge in times of trouble. Let all who love the Lord praise His name. Amen and Amen.

Wow

Today has been a long day and I think my earth just got shook up a little, probably for the good. On Christ the solid rock I stand.

Joyful Psalm

Did I ever say I love singing the Psalms?
Well I do! I just noticed how when I am very joyful I just start spontaneously singing the psalms :)
It's been a while since I sung any psalms :(
I do miss not being in a church that sings the psalms. They are so beautiful and say so much. Makes me want to visit one some Sunday just so I can sit there and enjoy singing them with everyone. ah so nice :)

The Hidden Something

Ok, so I just blogged about how I have nothing to say and that was true to a degree but it just hit me what I have been trying to say the past few blogs but have been unable to.

So whats up in my life that I have not said so far? Holiness is the answer.
My spirit is at great war with my flesh and I have not relized how serious the battle has been, or perhaps I have realized it but I have not allowed myself to be aware of it? I am not sure but I do know that I realize what I have been looking for!

I am a christian and in such I am to endeavor to live a life holly and acceptable to God. I am a sinner and in that I often want to live a life satisfied with anything BUT God. That is what I have been going through.

So how did this hit me? Well it's because of this girl I know. I like her, she is amazing, she just blows the socks off any other girl I have known BUT I don't feel in love with her! I hardly know her but from what little I do know her and what I have learned about her and her family she is someone I know is SOOO worth trying to get to know. But the fact is that I am so NOT worthy of her getting to know me! I know this and I know that as I am I should not be allowed to date her.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well I have been running after relationships and telling myself that if only I had one things would be better. It is true that I would like to get married but the strangest things have been happening. Over this time I have started to have two things grow stronger and stronger in my life. One thing that has grown strong is the pressing desire to look for a girl now and not wait, to find that relationship that will satisfy (flesh side battle) and at the same time I have found a growing desire to devote my life to Christ and not even consider getting married so that I have more time to give to others in the service of Christ. This second is something that I have never had happen to me and it's interesting how these have both been growing as two polar and opposites desires at the same time.

So I have blogged about wanting to date this girl (and in reality I want to date "A" girl but I know this one is far one of the best) and at the same time I have been blogging about serving others. I know one desire and motivation is wrong (the near desperate attempts to find a relationship I have seen in myself) and the other is so very right! Not to say I am going to ditch the idea of getting married but somehow it's changing.

Remember my two desires? To live a life serving God and to be married and raise a family? Well now it's being reduced once again to one single desire. To serve God. That is a good thing! It clearly has been another strong hold that has been started to get rooted out. I am so blessed with the Holy Spirits work in my life.

So I am glad my eyes where opened to this battle that has quietly been going on in my life so that I can be more aware of it. I am getting more and more content to be who ever God wants me to be. If thats singleness than so be it. If it's getting married to Rachel then so be it, and if it's something totally different that so be it.

The path to holiness is a long one and it will go on my entire life. I need to stop ignoring this battle and consequently some major sins in my life and start dealing with them! The desire Girls/Romance/Sex can get a guy into a lot of trouble as I have seen and I want humble myself so as to give all this to Christ so as to be able to do His bidding for me.

Even in writing this I am finding my heart being more inclined to do God's will and love him (and oddly enough it seems have a purer love for this girl as well) and a stronger desire to be Godly and start being a better stuart with the things God has given me to do right now.

Well thinking of that I should head off to work now and make that money to get my fees payed off so I can get probation off and see if God opens doors for mission work/this girl's dad's heart.

Blessings!

Bloging about Nothing

So I have NOTHING to say! So I decided to blog to maybe get some creative juices sired up :)

So I have found that the more you write, or for that matter are involved in the arts, it seems you have to be constantly looking for inspiration, observations, etc to stir you up. It's like you have to put stuff in to get stuff out. That's why reading books, watching movies, observing people, and things like that help :)

See, I can blog all day long about some of the deep feelings I have. Some of my desires, my passion, and my longings but that gets very old and boring (as I am sure you have seen) so to write creatively and in an intriguing way you need to write something people are interested in reading about! That is my goal.

I think I would like to start working on writing more in a journalist style. If I do go overseas I would like to use some of that time to photograph and write about it and I can start learning now :)

I had/have a friend who is really good in writing but right now we don't talk (ugh) but she was really good at writing and I am sure she could help me learn some things and give me tips on where I can improve. Oh well, maybe someday, who knows.

Thinking of tips, it would be really cool if anyone might ever want to comment on my blogs? lol, I only have one friend who reads this from time to time and she lives all the way over in India! Beauty of the information age eh? I guess this blog is more for myself :(

Oh well, it's good to write and I can help myself by seeing how my writing has changed and remember what I have gone through.

So that's all the randomness I will write for now.

Live from the Met

I am listening to a live broadcast from the Metropolitan Opera that airs every Saturday. Today the opera is Rusalka by Antonin Dvorak. I have never heard this opera before but I am going to get it! I am fond of Dvorak's work and this opera so far has been so good I just had to blog about it!

If you don't listen to opera it's an absolute requirement for you to! Don't listen to just part of it, you have to listen to the whole thing but oh my goodness! It's SOOO good! I am convinced about the best music ever created :)

Ok, I must get back to melting into the music :)

Hope your having a great weekend!

AIDS and the Gosple

There is a video I posted that reports on the spread of AIDS in some of India's red line districts. It is a AIDS prevention promotion video that talks about peoples efforts to help prevent it's spread. While good in itself it does not seem to be even close to enough. These women who are rescued from the sex trade still are left without any type of real hope, they need to hear the good news of Christ. My heart sunk in me as I watched this and I felt totally unable to do anything. The things that these women have gone though, the challenges they face are so different that reaching out to them would be challenging to say the least.

All these people around me are dieing and I can't do anything to stop it. I need to seek God and try to understand His mind on this subject. How should I react and what is the reasons that He lets so many die, this I can not understand. It's to demonstrate His justice as I have learned, but I still do not understand.

Speaking Through Songs

Sometimes songs can say things better than you are able to say. So here is a blog spoken through music videos of today's pop music.

Chickie Chick Flick

I just watched the MOST chick flick movie ever! In fact it's so chick flick that I am not even going to mention it's name due to the slight about of dignity I am trying to hold on to after just mentioning watching a major chick flick. Oh, and I liked it too (as much as is possible for a guy to like a chickie chick flick)

It did get me thinking about a few things.
In my experience and in other people experience it is one of the most amazing things the love a parent has for there child. Parents have this give all kind of love that blows my mind! In this movie the parent is willing to sell life dreams away to help their child and I have seen my parents take on massive amounts of debt without even blinking an eye, dropping everything they had going and coming to help me when I needed it. They watch over me and yet try and let my wings grow. They try and let me fall but at the same time try and make sure when I do fall I wont get too hurt, just enough to learn my lesson. They are ever caring, ever watching, ever giving, ever loving. It just blows my mind the kind of love a parent has for their child and I can honestly say I have never experienced having that kind of love and self sacrifice for anyone that I know of. Mind Blowing!

So it's always dangerous to watch a chick flick, particularly for me. Being the deep romantic at heart a chick flick gives way to thinking and imagining about the day when I can show that deep affection to someone. It's an ecstatic feeling that propels the heart into the clouds! The only problem is I am kinda in a bit of a box so my heart gets propelled into the ceiling *OUCH!*, but some day soon I look forward to having that whirlwind of romance free me to fly into the clouds and just sit there gazing at the stars on a dark, clear, crisp night with that someone I love. What a day.

Hey!

Good morning everyone!

So I am really thankful with moving in with Kyle. We get up every morning on the weekdays and read the psalms, pray, and work on our memorization! It's great! The daily reading really really does work in your life, it's awesome! I have never had such a consistent reading time but I am finding this is food for the soul and I am so thankful! I can't wait to be able to do the same thing when I get married because you are even closer and more connected then but even now it's great!

The Holy Spirit is CLEARLY changing things in my life to move me somewhere, not sure where. So I am not sure where God is moving me now but I will have to wait and see. I am very happy with being here in Arkansas but maybe God has plans for me else where. I don't mind going wherever God leads me :)

The weather is so nice outside right now! I am also working on spending less time on the net seeing as how I have built an unhealthy habit of spending too much time online. It's been built over several years so breaking it will take some work but because of this I may be blogging less frequently and spending more time doing things I have always wanted to do! :D I am very excited because I waist a lot of time on the computer and I have wanted to read more, get more involved in activities, and just do more things so hopefully by God's grace I will do that now :) God's helping push me off line so I think things are looking good :)

May all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
say continually, "Great is the LORD!"

Remember When

Remember When is a beautiful song. I was listening to my friends playlist and this one struck me today. It's just beautiful. Some day I will hopefully be able to say these words to my love.

Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when

Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when

Almost Done

I am almost done with my big upfront car bills :)
By the end of next week I will have all my big bills squared away and payed for which will be great! I have so many abnormal bills that I don't have rock hard figures for that it is making it extremely hard to get my mind around where I currently stand in regards to next months bills and getting my court cost all payed off so I can try and get probation over!

Lord willing probation will be taken off and that means I will be able to do all sorts of things I really want to do! I will be able to see about saving for a trip to India, maybe dating this totally amazing girl, saving more money and just putting this stage of my life behind me! I don't mind it too much but it does seem to make a habit of getting in my way for very very important things so it will be nice to be over with it :)

The weather here is AMAZING! I am spending WAY more time outside now. SO nice compared to being inside in front of my computer :D
I have been running, I will start biking soon, hopefully swimming, and kicking my soccer ball around in the back some. This weather's warm air is just breathing a new freshness into my days! I LOVE IT!

But there is a country song that said it best, you can have everything but unless you put a girl in it you ain't got nothing. Well hopefully hopefully hopefully that will change this year :) Oh well, I can hope right? :D lol.

Well I got some food cooking in the oven I need to go get out and eat before work today :)
BLESSINGS AND HAPPY SPRING! :D ENJOY THE WEATHER!

Playlist.com

So there is the great site, playlist.com. It's the site I use for my music on the side of my blog (I know! I know! I have not updated it in way too long). But I just found out you can listen to friends music on there as well! it's really cool because you can explore and find new artist that you have never heard of and it gives you something other than your songs to listen to.

Sometimes as I am listening to one of my friend's playlist I can't help but with I could pick their brains about the songs they choose. Each song comes and I wonder, why does she like this one, whats this one for. It's like I am back in my world lit class where the teacher was trying to make a great importance in everything the author said. I was thinking to myself, "Maybe they just said that because it sounded good" lol but I guess we like to look for meaning in everything and so when the author passes away we look for all the possible meanings that could have been there when it was written. Maybe it's the same thing with how we pick our music? I am listening to a particular playlist right now and I am feeling very at peace. Funny how things like that can do that.

Also I was thinking about how every little we need to hold on to someone but that we still need something. I was thinking about people who have been captured during war and been imprisoned for years but because of something, a picture, or anything they held on to the hope of seeing there loved one again. But it does seem that we need something to hold on to if it's all lost it's very hard to hold on. That could be why they try to strip prisoners of everything they have.

I was also thinking about where God is going to take me. I grow more and more sertan that my place is in outreach. Whether it is in the ministry or missions I don't know. I do know that it's where my heart is and even though I could be a pro photographer (and I probably will still do a lot of photography) I have a heart to help others. I was thinking about this in regards to the quality that the girl God has for me will have. I am sure that she will have to also have a heart to serve others. I know I need someone to complete and be completed by and to do that I would think we should have the same vision for our future.

Also, as is recommended by so many people, DON'T PUBLISH YOUR FIRST DRAFT! I never listen to that and particularly with my blog I just write so as to get it written down but if you read my last post maybe I should have listened to that advice! LOL. It was so poorly worded I even had a hard time reading it. Oh well it's what happens when you blog past midnight. :)

Tyrone Wells

Ok, so I just found a new artist I really like! His name is Tyrone Wells, check him out! I will be posting more of his songs on my playlist when I get more of his albums. :)

Tonight work was slow once again but I had some very good tables and ended up making a lot of money. I am very glad for that but sometimes how much money I make does not make sense to me. I make the same as other good servers there and it does not seem to matter how my spiritual life is at the time. I can be doing great and not making very much money or I can be doing really bad in my faith walk and make loads. I was walking out of work tonight thinking about if God really exist because that would not be how I would think He would work. Then as I walked across the parking lot I looked up at the sky and remembered the psalms, "The heavens declare the glory of God" and I also thought of Romans where Paul talks about God's handiwork being shown in His creation. The moon was absolutely beautiful tonight with a light fog that made it cool soft light glow all around me. I looked at it's beauty and even just knew God lives! I don't understand how we works in our lives all the time but I know He is there and I trust Him.
Funny how such small things can be so big :) I am very rational and that is a completely irrational thing that would give me comfort in Him and yet it did.

I also got a soccer ball today! :) I am looking forward to practicing more with it, who knows maybe one day I might actually play it with someone :O LOL.

I am also still looking at going to India next year Lord willing. I want to help the broken, I am made at myself because of not doing that now and my hope is that if I am in an environment that helps me accomplish this I will begin to accomplish this more and learn some skills that way.

I am feeling very normal writing this blog but I will say I have not been feeling very normal this week at all. My girl drive got turned on overload and I just about whent crazy. I am glad I am back to normal at least and have at least a little more of a head on my shoulders now :)
Sometimes I get thinking so much about a girl I loose track of doing stuff that is good for me and helpful for others, or perhaps just preparing for when I do get married, but nope I think about girls. good grief! LOL, but I keep learning that I have a very very suborn and persistent personality that once I get something in my head it's VERY hard to get it out! Well it's how God made me I guess :)

Ok, that's enough of a blog for now :)

Taste of Spring!

I love when you can start to taste the days of spring as they start to push winter to memory! Today I went running in a t-shirt and shorts!

Oh My! I have not been running in WEEKS and man did I feel it today! The entire run was just trying to warm up out of my hibernation! At first my legs where as tight as drums but they started to get the feeling back in them after I helped them out for a bit. Spring is SOOO nice! One of my favorite times of the year for sure :)

There also was a shoe store that is going out of business and I got 4 pairs of shoes yesterday. Gag! Even at half off it was pricey! But I got a new pair of running shoes, flip flops, sandals, and slip ons. So today I was also breaking in my running shoes, ugh, pealed some of my skin off my heal. Shoes like to do that to me! LOL :)

So right now I have 8 pairs of shoes I activly use and I plan on getting at least 1 more, is that bad? lol! I am starting to sound like a girl! Well each shoe has its different perpose. Some are very spesific (like my biking shoes, work shoes, and the soon to be soccer shoes) and then others are general (flip flops, sandels, slip ons, and dress shoes) Oh well, I don't mind if I have lots of shoes (duh right? I mean I spent a lot of money on them! I hope I don't mind! LOL)

So as you can see my blog as degraded into talking about shoes, next up will be purses :P LOL JK.

How Sad

I have not had much to write about. The floods of thoughts that kept pouring into my mind that I wanted to share have stopped and I sit with nothing to say, nothing that seems worth writing. So I decided to watch a movie a friend of mine recommended named "American History X".

It addressed the issue of hate and how it relates to racism and gang violence. It was a very powerful and deep movie that did a good job making it's point but does not answer many questions that should come from watching a movie like that. I would expect many people would view the movie and say, "that's horrible" and leave it there but that is not where it can be left. There are still questions that must be asked by it's viewers. What can I do to stop this, how can I change things, what can I do to stop this hatred, heartache, and despair that exist.

I have had the opportunity to know a few people who where/are involved in gangs and who have similar natures of hatred and racism, it does exist. We live in a broken world with broken people. What can we do to stop this? When I think of these things my heart gets heavy and my spirit feels it's weight.

The only thing I can do is shout the good news. How good is the news of Christ who saves and changes people but how deaf are they. Their life is lost and they are blind to what they are living in and yet Christ can save them and yet they scream and stop their ears and run the other way.

Then I see my own life and how easily I let sin settle in me and how slight I fight it. The same sin that is destroying others, spreading misery and death around is the same sin I glaze over in my own life. How sad.

Pride

Pride has been a pit fall for me for a long time and still is. Ravi mentioned a quite from St. Thomas Aquinas that I thought I would share as I see this as being very true and very applicable in my life. The quote comes from Aquinas' book Summa Theologica: Vol. 7 of 10

"In order to overcome their pride, God punishes certain men by allowing them to fall into sins of the flesh, which though they be less grievous are more evidently shameful."

This along with the Westminster Confession of Faith rings home to my in such a resounding way as to make me praise God for letting me be shamed to help break my pride. Through my experiences I have learned a great deal. Some in being merciful to people who deserve punishment so as to not overly shame and reject them to cause them to fall into despair and potentially become pray for satin. Some in seeing my own sinful nature and being aware that it's ONLY by God's grace that we are not involved with the most debase of sins. It's taught me to learn to thank God and praise God in all things and to look to Him as my source of my identity rather than myself.

It has helped to break my pride in order to begin working a work of humility in me that was not even able to be started before hand.

May God be Praised!

I, Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah

One of my all time favorite messages is again from Ravi and I listened to it once again. It has had the most profound impact on me and even as I listened to it for the 20th time things hit home to me like never before. Remember I have been thinking about mediocrity in the Christian life and God providing a wife. Those two things struck home once again.

I would STRONGLY Recommend you get some time to listen to these messages if you have never heard them before as they are superb.
Part 1
Part 2

(and if your interested I am very much like Ravi's brother and could easily do what Ravi's brother did, lol. I think I was born in the wrong culture :)

India

I have been more awakened to going abroad for a time if not indefinitely. India has come as a place I am very interested in. It has a lot of qualities. Qualities such as:

• Growing Economy
  
• Growing Church
• English as a Common Language
• Family Centric Culture
• 2nd World Nation
• Affordable Living
• Lots of People
  

You can find this in other cultures as well and India is not the only one that is like this but it has caught my eye. I hope to travel around to different places in the world over the next several years to encourage and train Christians. India may be my first stop (assuming probation is terminated early). If my probation is terminated this year I hope to be in India for 3 month the begging of next year Lord willing. It's a big dream that is high up there but nothing is impossible with God.

I would also like to visit Africa (not sure where yet) and spend some time there as well. All as the Lord wills and provides for.

And India has COLOR! I absolutely life the colors common to India. I pray God will use me to encourage and strengthen believers both here and abroad.

The Scenic Route

I was listening to a series by Ravi entitled "Interpreting Failures, Conserving Victories" (Part 1, Part 2). He describes the children of Israel and their 40 year travel through the wilderness. If they had taken the freeway it would have taken them 11 days but God decided to have them take the scenic route and it ended up taking them 40 years.

The point made is that the christian life is not always taking a strait road, a lot of the time God takes us around the twisty roads in our life. This sung home to me because I am a very impatient person, I like results and I like them 5 min ago.

So why does God take us on the long routs? The answer for the children of Israel was found in Deuteronomy 8
"And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no."

Sometimes God takes us on the long rout because it's on that route that we see the most beautiful and breathtaking parts of Him.

This In My Life

"Why God? Why? Why do you make me wait for a wife? Of all people I was the one wanting to raise a family more than anyone and yet you have withheld from me what I desire greatly"
This is a prayer I have prayed so many times I have lost count.

God keeps closing the door on any relationship I have wanted and it's closed so amazingly tight that no amount of pounding will open it. Even now I am waiting to see if God opens doors, opens new ones or who knows. It's terribly difficult yet today I have found such peace as God has been kind enough to start and show me some of why He has been doing what He has been doing. I am at such peace right now since He has opened the eyes of my heat to see this that the frustration has left. The desire is still there as I do seek to be married someday but I am very content to wait in God's time as He takes me the scenic route and shows me the most spectacular insights into who He is and in that continues to mold me to be the man He wants me to be.

God has a plan for me in my life. This is not all done without reason. He is molding me to use me how He sees fit and I am blessed and thankful to be shaped and purified in the intense heat of a most kind and loving God.

Blessed be God my Father, Christ my Savior, and the Holy Spirit my Sanctifier.

Christian Mediocrity

Today is the beginning of a new week, a fresh start, new mercies poured out upon me but last week spoke volumes to my soul. The Holy Spirit spoke to me in so many ways last week but clearly the thing spoke with the most veracity and volume was Christian mediocrity.

Over the past year there has been a continual backsliding into being a lazy Christian. Sin becomes more palatable, the things of God less desirable, life more miserable. My drive and will to fight with all that is bound up in my soul dwindles as the road I start to travel becomes wider and wider.

Blessed be God my Lord who cares for me and loves me. I was reading Psalm 30 today and it's so good I have to post the entire thing but the verses in bold are the ones that particularly stood out to me.

1 I will exalt you, O LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help
and you healed me.

3 O LORD, you brought me up from the grave;
you spared me from going down into the pit.

4 Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.

5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

6 When I felt secure, I said,
"I will never be shaken."

7 O LORD, when you favored me,
you made my mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

8 To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:

9 "What gain is there in my destruction,
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

My friend Kyle and I are going to work on edifying each other unto good works.

So What Is Christian Mediocrity?

It's living your life as if Christ had not died for you. It's being lukewarm when you should be red hot. In practical aspects you will see this in your life in 3 ways.

1. Your reading/meditating on the word daily becomes anything less that vibrant.
   You don't read every day, you find it hard to read, you tell yourself to read but you get easily distracted. God's word becomes an obligation that you know is essential but you treat it as voluntary.
   
   
2. Your Prayer life suffers.
   Coming to God with praise, request, repentance and all the other reasons we come to God starts to seem useless. God is there and you need to talk to Him but it takes time and your too busy or you don't want to talk to God because He may have other ideas for you that you don't like and you would rather Him just listen to YOU and do it YOUR way. But since you know He won't do that you start to ignore Him and eventually He will start to ignore you.
   
   
3. Memorization is not constant
   Memorization is another key to the christian life I am convinced. If you are not actively memorizing God's word you are doing yourself a disservice and opening up yourself to be attacked.
   

If these three things are not present in your life I might suggest to you that your living a mediocre christian life.

• If your not reading God's word you are stripping the tools used to reprove, correct, and encourage you.
• If you are not praying you are not opening up your heart to let God mold it into being more like Christ. If your not praying how do you expect to receive what you have not asked for? If you only pray to ask most likely your asking with the wrong motives.
  
• If your not memorizing you are not storing God's word in your heart to be with you when satin or one of his servants is attacking you. Your setting yourself up to fail.
  

I have been failing at all of these and the cause of that is a slow erosion of my soul. Praise God He spoke to me last week about this aria in my life and has placed me in good company.
Today is the first and with that I read Psalm 1, perhaps my favorite Psalm ever written. Read it.

Moved In :)

I am all moved into my new place and am very pleased! My roommate is awesome and we had a great time talking tonight about our faith and where we are. I have so much to blog! I just have a lot but seeing as how it's 1:30am Sunday morning I will have to blog later. :)

God's Mercy

What a day. God has just poured out His mercy on me this evening and my heart has taken a refreshing drink of His cool waters. I have been under just the greatest of temptations over the past few days. It was as though I was holding a great weight on my shoulders standing on the edge of a cliff. The burden so heavy I was being bent low and the rocks under my feet where giving way so as I would fall into the abyss below. Then I cried out and God delivered me! Amen!

He opened my eyes to see He was answering my prayers. I continually pray for being pure of heart and close to Him and He continues to answer my prayers with refining me as gold. The trials hot but the end wonderful. I am learning all sorts of things! I need to pray for deliverance from temptation more and just things about parenting and all sorts! lol, God really does work in mysterious ways.

I am sure He is not finished with me but this evening it has been very refreshing and a much needed break from the fire. I was so troubled inside me today from all of this, more troubled than I have been in a long time, and yet God answered me.

God be praised! Now you may understand more about what I wrote on the 22nd.

Do Events Make Us?

I have been just thinking on how we are made, our opinions formed, and our perspectives changed because of things that happen in our life. We have a system of beliefs that we instinctively know must correspond to workings in our life and over time we will alter what be believe and how we act due to major events that have happened in our life to try and bring everything into a consistent worldview.

Have you ever noticed how much you can learn about a person by listening to them tell about the major events in there past? People will get emotionally involved and opinionated often over things that have a direct relation to something that has gone on in there past.

I see this clearly in my life as major events have caused me to question presuppositions I held that did not cohere with my experiences. I am very passionate about some subjects because of the impact they have had on my life.

The only problem is that basing how we operate or what we believe on events in our life is a faulty system. Peoples experiences are real and they need to be considered but using that as a source to change how you think is faulty as two people may experience the same thing and come out with different outtakes on the subject. Yet it is important because any faulty thinking we have in our world view will NOT correspond to reality and our experiences help awaken us to our errors.

It is further complicated by the fact that some people may have legitimately found errors in a world view and yet because others have not had that experience they may themselves be inclined to continue believing what they believe due to personal motivations. Person A may still have to live in person B's world because person B is fixed in what they believe.

So why am I rambling on about this? I am because the more I am around the more I am experiencing what seems to be an overstepping of authority on all different levels. It seems I continue to encounter people in positions of authority who are overstepping their bounds and using their position unlawfully. This is the experience I am continuing to experience.

So I am experiencing one thing that does not agree with my current world view. I can't find anything that gives these authorities the the extent of the authority they claim and my natural tendency is to adjust my world view so as to line up with my experiences even though it's breaking a very strongly held position. The only problem I am finding is that I don't know if I am right. I think I am right but everyone always thinks they are right.

How do I know my experiences are not misunderstood? How can I judge whether or not there is an error here when it is me and the error is held by many in authority over me? How do I live when I know that the authorities are not interested in giving up their claim to their overstepped authority?
I am still thinking about all these things.

I have been a little sick and I am moving tomorrow so I will probably not be on really till Sunday.

Have a great weekend everyone!

War

We fight a war my friends, we fight a war.

Seems like at every turn there is yet another battle and the enemy is crafty.
I am a solder of Christ, I seek to give glory to Him.
I seek to be able to love with a pure heart not tangled up with things of this world.
A girl I hardly know has my heart, how does that work?
May God be glorified.

God Provides

So I was looking over my cash flow today (like I do just about every day) in regards to hitting some real big goals in a short amount of time. I have the taxes on the car to pay next month, my court fees to pay plus the new car payment and insurance, so a little over 2,100 dollars (a lot of money for me) and after evaluating my budget to see when I will be able to meet these goals I am continually shocked to see God's provision for me!

This is February, the slowest month of the year for servers, and every month I continue to run a surplus (that means more than what was budgeted if you are not up on all that :P )! I don't really know how I do because I budget based on my best estimates and every time it seems there is more money in the bank than I planned for.

Currently it looks like each of those big goals will be met next month! That is a good 2 months faster than I had expected! I am learning more and more that God will provide no matter what, it's just amazing!

Why are our Prayers Hindered?

James Boyce in his sermon over Romans 1:13 had 6 qualities that can hinder our prayers.

1. Unconfessed Sin
2. Wrong Motives
   
3. Lazy at Praying
4. Idles in the Heart
5. Stinginess
   
6. Unbelief
   

Every point hit home with me (hence why I really liked that sermons I posted it a few entries back). I have much to work on in every point but the last 2 are probably the most glaring to me. What about you?

wisdom's words

Some striking passages from Proverbs 20-22 (ESV)

• "A man's steps are from the Lord;
  how then can man understand his way?"
  This was a striking passage for me. I am a constant planner and am constantly setting goals to attain but it's a good reminder to remember that my steps are set by God. My job, where I live, my probation, trying to date a girl. I can't understand my way because it's not reveled to me but I must always, always, always remember it's God setting each of my steps and I must be continually looking to Him to see where the next step is since I don't understand my way.
  
  
• "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,
  but the Lord weighs the heart"
  It's the second line that struck me. We all think we are right and everyone else is wrong but somehow it seems like that's not as important as the motivation behind it or something. I really don't know but this struck me and I have not come to any hard conclusions yet. Just thinking of exclusive psalmody, KJV only bibles, and other things that Christians are dead set are the right thing and yet are our hearts in the right place? I wonder often yet God knows always.
  
  
• "No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel
  can avail against the Lord"
  I love to try and get God to do things my way. Looks like I am out of luck, thank goodness :)
  
  
• "The prudent sees danger and hides himself,
  but the simple go on and suffer for it"
  I like this verse because I have a tendency to try and watch for clues as to what the future will hold, whether it's as small as watching the economy to see if I should find a new industry to work in or as large as watching the anti Christian trends in the US to see what life will be like for my family and my children.
  
  
• "Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed,
  for he shares his bread with the poor"
  Over and over I read that the one who gives will be blessed and provided for and it's a continual conviction on my part because I am a Scrooge.
  
  
• "The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit;
  he with whom the Lord is angry will fall into it"
  Again, it's the second line that catches me. I have heard the first many many times but it's always about saying away from the forbidden women. What strikes me is that it's something God will use if He is angry. Just something to think about.
  

what a fallen world

We live in a fallen world and its affects seem close to my heart right now.

There are a lot of things I don't write down because I don't think them best to be written. I once had a good friend, I might even say my best friend, I could share everything that was going on in my life with. I could finish this friends sentences off, knew what this friend was saying even when they said nothing just by the way they paused. This person was just about the most amazing person I have ever met and the fact that I can't talk to them has been hanging around my neck all day today.

We live in a fallen world, because of the curse we have friendships that are broken, relationships lost. We live in a fallen world and it's all around us and it touches us every day in the most painful of ways. My heart is heavy because of the suffering that sin causes.

We often just think of our sinful actions and how that can cause us consequences but have you ever looked at all the consequences that you live with day to day because of it? This friendship is one heavy on my heart today, not sure why but it is, something that was so sweet is gone and why? Because Christians don't agree on what the bible says so we fight over it and split over it and tell our kids not to "walk in the way of the sinner" i.e. the other christian we don't like. How this breaks my heart! "Blessed are they who dwell together in unity".

Dear reader I think sometimes we are blessed with how numb we are to it because even glimpses of it, the slightest reflection bouncing off a dimly lit surface causes my heart to weigh so heavy I think it will sink into the depths and never return.

How this must weigh on God's heart. He does not see it as in a reflection nor is He numb to it's existence but He sees every pain, every tear, every sorrow. How our Lord must weep at times because of this.

Dear reader, we live in a fallen world and its affects seem close to my heart right now.

So so happy

I am so so happy right now.
Not happy like flying high, or living in the cloud, but happy with all the blessings I have. I love my family so very much, my mom and dad, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.

My sister and her family are over for the weekend and it's so good to see them and be with them. She told me to watch a movie, Dan in Real Life. If you want to know what my family is like then you can watch this movie and see what it was kinda like growing up (and still is for the most part when we are all together). Both my sisters said I am like the brother who is the boyfriend of the girl through out most the movie, I can see many things but I will stand and say I have some other qualities :P
But that aside it does look a lot like my family and I love them all so much!
You can watch it in 3 parts here:
Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

I also talked with my lawyer today and he was pretty optimistic on getting my probation terminated early. So that was a word of encouragement for me today! I thank God for working and moving me and I pray He would open doors for me to find a girl to share my life with, to love.
May God be glorified.

General Stuff

So I am trying to post a blog before I go into work and my very kind neighbor dog is singing to his hearts content.... AGAIN! I was thinking, this is one reason I will be VERY happy to move, so I don't have to listen to him bark all day long.

Well I have been looking for another job to fit into my day (or night depending on what job I get). Man has the job market shrunk up! I am very thankful for the job I have with Carrabbas! It pays all my bills plus a little savings but my thinking is that with the tech support job and hopefully another job all that money is strait to my savings! I am just looking for God to open the doors as to where I am to work so I continue to put in applications and wait to hear back. If God does provide me with another job I should be saving around $2,000 a month! Since I am single right now seems like a smart thing to do :)

Thats what I have been doing most of my days, tomorrow I will talk to my lawyer! I am very thrilled to finally be able to hear his opinion on terminating my probation early... whether he thinks it smart or not I would like to know because right now it's getting in the way it seems. In God's providence it is what it is so I need to be open to however He leads me.

Well thats all for now! I am off to kill a dog
*Chickching.... BANG! BANG!*
Ahhhh.... MUCH better! :D

Oklahoma Thunderstorm

I miss Oklahoma... strange as that may sound to some people Oklahoma has a beauty you don't fine many other places. One of the things I miss most is sitting out on our front porch watching a thunderstorm come rolling in. The lightning was spectacular! I also loved to be out there when it was raining.

I remember on many different occasions when I would drag my big yellow reclining chair or mattress out on the porch and fall asleep as the storms started bearing down on us. It was absolutely one of the most amazing and beautiful things anyone will ever experience! Plain rain is boring, Oklahoma rain is... spectacular!

The video I posted does not do it justice but it at least gives a foggy glimpse into it's beauty, complete with authentic bob white sounds! Oh the memories!

So... when I grow up I want to live in a place that has a beach on one said, mountains on the other and gets spectacular thunderstorms! Anyone know where I should move to? :P

Love On Tap

"He set my feet on a rock"
Tuesdays are also great days! God has been meeting me in so many places, showing me SOOOOO much sin in my life in places I was not glancing at! It's SOOOOO amazing! Sometimes your just sure you got problems in one spot and He is like... "yah you do but you got bigger problems here" and He turns your head and opens your eyes to see :)

So today I listened to 3 sermons, 1 was by James Boyce over Romans 1:13 concerning prayer (VERY GOOD), and the other 2 where by Pastor Edwin Blackwood from an RP church in Australia. One of his talked about Praying Without Ceasing and the other about Rejoicing Always both come from the book of 1 Thessalonians.

God is good! We love Him because He first loved us and I will pray and rejoice because of this.
Rejoice everyone! You've got unlimited love on tap, so scoot on up to the bar and start drinking :D

Walking on Water

God's ways are higher than our ways and we can't understand all His movements. There are so many times we have to subdue our soul to God's word, this is one of those times. Being thankful for the events He has put in our past and the way He is directing the future. Sometimes the future can be a upsetting, like a storm on the ocean, but if we look at God carrying us though this life we can walk on water. I need to start walking on water. :)

Good Series

So my mom sent me this series I thought I would pass on to you all. It's pretty good.

It's by Rev. Alistair Begg.
It made me very happy because some of the qualifications I am very strong in but there are 2 that I saw how much I need to work on... ugh... :)

Search for a Godly Spouse

Life is good! :D
Gotta love it! :D
So go out and live it! :D (did you hear that? even a little ryme! Yeah! I am running on to little sleep :P)

Duh moments

I have been having a lot of "duh" moments recently.
So here are a few of them :)

1. The security of our faith rest in Christ Jesus. Over the past few weeks a big struggle I have had is my faith. I have made mention in earlier post that my faith has really been shaken up recently so that I was doubting a lot of things. Questions like,
   
   • "How do I KNOW this is true?"
   • "Am I just believing what I have always been told?"
   • "Am I just believing this because of experiences or 'encounters' I have perceived to have had with God? And is this any different than any other religion that claims to have the same thing?"
   • "How come when I read the bible I am touched? Is this the work of the Holy Spirit or is it a mental state I have adapted over the years?"
   • "How can I really claim to know the truth!? What if I am wrong? How do I know I am not wrong?"
   Lot of tough questions to answer... how would you answer them? How do you know, without a doubt that what you believe is the real deal? Is it based off experience? Your upbringing? Your own desire to believe this thing? How do YOU KNOW it's true?
   
   Well it finally came to me (although it's something I have heard before, it finally hit home).
   I know what I believe is true not because of feelings, upbringing, hipper logical deductions, or the sort. I know what I believe is true because of Christ.
   If Christ was who He claimed to be, then I have all the information I need to know that I believe the truth. But the question follows,
   "How do we know Christ was not a cult leader like all the other religions have?"
   There are a lot of religions who teach a strong moral code, there are some that match the completeness of the christian world view, most all claim some supernatural event to confirm authenticity, so why Christ?
   The answer? Prophecy.
   The fact that we have hundreds of documented prophecy that occurred hundreds of years before Christ's birth and we have multiple sources that confirm the fruition of these prophecies gives Christ claim to authority authenticity. Now if Christ is authentic and His word authoritative then obedience is the only thing that should follow.
   
   Our assurance comes in many different ways and over many different paths but it's often through hard times that we find the most precious gems.
   "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
   
   
2. "Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar?"
   I am sure you all have read the book of James and know the passage talking about faith without works is dead. I have always understood this to be that our faith must manifest itself out by obedience to God, such as clothing and feeding the poor rather than just saying "go and be filled". We need to put feet to our faith because without that it's nothing. That's very true but I was struck by one part this morning that just pulled off a deeper layer to James.
   James 2 v. 21 talks about Abraham and his offering Isaac up as a sacrifice. This is a passage also heavily used by Paul in Romans and even with the weight given to it I have never really understood it. Although I don't understand it fully it's use in James showed me something.
   Not only are we to works to use in the moral code given in the bible, but we are to put it to use in our faith. See, the fact is Abraham KNEW he was walking off that mountain with a life son. His faith in the promises of God remained so steadfast that his actions did not waver. I should have actions that flow from my faith even when those actions seem counter to natural reason. And easy example is the giving of tiths. It is counter intuition that you should pay tiths when you can barely pay the bills but if you believe God's command to give a tenth back to Him and you believe His promise to provide for you then that must work it's way out in your actions. If it does not you probably don't really believe it even if you offer lip service to it. Faith without works is no faith at all.
   
   
3. "Blessed is the man
   who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
   nor stands in the way of sinners,
   nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
   but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
   and on his law he meditates day and night.
   
   He is like a tree
   planted by streams of water
   that yields its fruit in its season,
   and its leaf does not wither.
   In all that he does, he prospers."
   
   Psalm 1 hit me like a rock last night. I seek to be a man who is rightous, steadfast, full of the fruits of the spirit, and prosperous in what I do. Psalm 1 tells me how is such clear terms. For sure an amazing psalm to start off the book. I don't think I need say much more because the psalms is pretty strait forward. :)
   
   
4. Prayer brings our will into line with God's will. I have heard this and the more I think about it the more it rings home. I have been just as stuborn as a dead stump is to pull out when it comes to prayer. I wanted to talk to God but I didn't want to pray (makes talking to God kinda impossible) but I think the reason why is because I was absolutly not interested in being open to God saying know to marring a girl. I was so determaned that she was the one I wanted that I clasped my hands over my ears and started walking around like a little kid making a racket trying to ignore God. It's not like I have given up hope that God will let me marrie that girl but my will is being brought into submition to God's will more and more so if He where to say "no" then I would be happy with it (theoreticly at least) :P
   It's a prosses for sure and I can't say how I will nessesarily react to His desisions, but by His grace I will embrace His will for me.
   

Well it's a new day for a new week! I hope it's a blessing to you all! And again, thank you all for your prayers... I am sure they are working :)

Sundays are always such a good day

Hi guys

Sundays are always so amazing, they are for sure the most amazing day of the week.
I have so much on my heart right now, some of it is just absolutely wonderful and other things are terribly hard to handle. I can't say much now on the latter part but I will talk a little about this morning.

I have been thinking a lot on one question. A wise women once told me not to think about what a girl could bring to me when I get married, but what I could bring to the girl. That question has had me thinking a bit over it because it's easy to see why I want to get married but I was stumped about how I would benefit her. This question plus thinking about the fact that a relationship with God comes first and foremost and that relationship is what will cause my relationship between me and my wife to grow it finally hit me like a tone of bricks what the answer was!

Some of you may know there is a girl I really like (that whole interaction has been the hard part to deal with) and she is such an amazing and Godly girl I was not sure what I could possible bring! Then the answer came, the husband is to wash his wife in the word. Eureka! It makes sense to me now, it makes sense why it's critical for me to have my relationship between me and God right because I become responsible not only myself, but also for my wife. Now I know, perhaps the most important thing, what I can bring to her, and that is a Godly husband who leads her in the ways of God. It's not money or love or companionship or the like (although those are important) but rather being a spiritual leader. I have always know that but the reality hit me today and I now see goals to start striving for in preparing to be a man who is worthy of such an amazing girl!

I don't get why God is having me wait, and why it's for reasons that I don't think are even legit, but He sure is. Well it's perhaps the hardest thing for me to do but I am sure in the end it will be worth it and so much more. I feel like Jacob waiting for Rachel sometimes (a bit dramatic perhaps but I thought it a clever simile) :D

Have a great week everyone!

Chris Young

So I found this new album by Chris Young! I thought I would share my 2 favorite songs :)

Sweet Home Alabama

Have you ever seen Sweet Home Alabama?
I just did and I learned a few things.

1. I LOVE the country and even though the city has grown on me, I don't know how well I could live without being out in the country.
   
   
2. I am NOT, I will repeat, NOT a hick! Ok, someone who has grown up on a farm and who knows how to work hard and work with his hands does NOT have to give away class. So some people like being hicks, I don't know if I will ever understand why, but they do, that's not me! (and if you do like being a hick... PLEASE PLEASE tip your server at least 20%!!!!! 10% is not a tip, it's an insult)
   
   
3. It's a love story, loved watching it but since it's singles awareness day today it makes me dream of not being single anymore, but all in good time as they say.

So I didn't really learn that, I was just reminded of that and decided to say it again :P

Well that's all for now! Got one of the busiest days at the restaurant today, can't wait :)

Moving Forward!

Hey again!

I just wanted to drop a note and say that I am very happy right now! I am moving forward! I think for me that's a big thing because I can't hardly handle not accomplishing goals and moving in a positive direction. I got the car but the start up cost where bigger than I was sure I would be able to handle, but after doing my taxes today I found that I am getting a big refund check back so it balances out the added cost I was going to see this month! That gives me SOOOO much room to keep moving at a quick speed! I am meeting with my lawyer next week and then I will have a better idea what my chances are of getting my probation terminated in a few months! OH HOW GREAT WOULD THAT BE~!!!!! :D

So I am flying hi right now :)

Well off to a great day at work!

Psalm 70

Since today was so busy my mind and body are not even close to being able to fall asleep so I thought, "hey, I have not read my bible in.. just about forever, this would be a great time to help start doing what I should have been doing all along" and so I started reading through the Psalms.

One Psalms that struck me tonight was Psalm 70. This can be my prayer, a desire for rest in God, for Him to come save me from this struggle with myself I have been having, and to give me hope and joy. Why I like it is because this is a prayer you could pray anytime, weather you are winning or loosing the battle you can pray this prayer and call for God to save you.

I also find that every time I read the bible it's the most refreshing thing ever! How silly are am I as a Christian? I have to have my arm twisted behind my back to get me to read the bible and every time I do it's as if I had drank of the coolest and crispest spring water one could find! "Oh how I love thy law, it is my study all the day" :)

I am so thankful for God's continued work in my life, I am learning so much even through my hard times and I can't wait to get on the other side of them and have learned all my lessons :)

I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me, some of you have been a HUGE encouragement to me during this time and I am so very thankful! I still desire your prayers a little longer but am blessed with friends like you guys. :)

Blessings in the name of Christ Jesus to my brothers and sisters in our Lord!

Bills!!! AAAHHHH!!!!

I want to let everyone know... I LOVE MY CAR!!!! It's AWESOME!!!!!!

Today I got all the paper work signed and my life for the next... forever... sold away and in return I got an awesome car! But man oh man do I have some cash to come up with over this next month! So I will for sure looking for places to save and places to earn but it's all good!

I have a few mid term goals (all my goals are split up into short term, mid term, and long term) and one of them was getting a car. So now that I have a car that's really and truly mine I can scratch that goal off my list :)

Other mid term goals I have is getting my probation terminated early (currently working on that), getting a certain dollar amount saved, and the car of course. :)

Ah, I am just very happy right now, I still have not forgotten the war but I am so very thankful for the getting really busy, as they say "idle hands are the devils workshop"

Well, had a busy day at work, and will over the weekend so I should get going!

Have an amazing nights rest everyone!

WOW!

Hey Everyone!


So I have been BUSY since I last blogged! Let me try and give you all a synopsis of what’s been up :)

1. CAR!
   You heard that right! I got a car! (Signing the papers tomorrow but it should all be "set" and just needs to be made official). I got a 2008 Mazda 3 S Grand Turing! It has black leather seats, sun roof, Bose stereo, auto climate control, heated seats, etc etc etc... basically the works! It only has 13,500 miles on it and did I mention it's a manual? :D
   I am very excited about this! It means I will be able to GET OUT more and not be stuck on the little scooter! (cute but it gets OLD fast)
   
   
2. Party!
   Last night I went to a company party with Carrabbas. We went bowling at Fast Lanes from 9-11:30 and it was so much fun! I seriously can't wait to go back! I will say that it was the most fun I have had in a long time and for sure the best company party so far.
   
   
3. Move!
   Well I am moving this month as well! But this move I am very excited for! I am moving in with a guy I am quickly becoming good friends with and my rent will go down as well. So, lots to do in the weeks ahead.
   
   
4. Spiritual Slug Fest :(
   This is the muddy side. I have been in just the absolute most brutal spiritual warfare that I have been in for quite some time. It’s been going on for the past 3 weeks and it's been just killer! Last night I was ready to just give up, I was so tired of being a Christian and how God sees best for me and just the whole nine yards.
   
   I am really really struggling with anger, pride, and for sure stubbornness. I felt like I had for sure lost last night but am glad that today I was ready to try and kick this in the butt! I was like, "Ok, that's it! I am sick and tired of fighting with God! I am ready to kick this stupid sinful nature of mine in the butt big time!"... so the battle continues.
   
   It's not like it's been "hard" but I am so sick of not resting in God and trusting Him and loving Him and this separation is just flat out maddening and yet my sinful flesh is just absolutely so amazingly stubborn! It's almost baffling but oh do I so much more relate to what Paul wrote about in Romans and I know Christ is the victor so I can't loose this war, but man this is a Gettysburg battle for me right now.

Like I said, a LOT has happened since just a few days ago :)

I pray you all are doing well!

Country Music?

That's right! I am going country! (but don't panic, I am only going a very very very very very little country). This song "Lost In The Moment" has been a favorite for a long time but I recently discovered it again!

What I find interesting is when you like someone the things they love start to because things you genuinely love too! It's kinda an odd deal but it sure does seem to happen (even if it happens very very very very very slowly) :D

Todays Lesson

So today I attended a steering committee with my parents church, took communion at my church, and had a LOT of other things run through my mind! Needless to say I am NOT going to get everything I wanted to write down written... such is life :)

Lessons Learned... so far

1. Communion:
   I love communion, it almost always encourages me and spurs my walk. Today I was just looking around at how God loves everyday people. That's like a duh statement right? I have known that but as I was looking around at everyone it struck me how some made a lot of money, others didn't; some where fashionable, others not... it reminded me of James 2 and I was struck by just how unloving I really am!
   I pray Got will continue to work His love through me so that I will be a blessing for others.
   
   
2. Doctrine Requires Love/Love Requires Action:
   I am a very passionate person and very much so in regards to the things of God. My heart desires and longs for a church that is sound in its teaching but passionate in its love. Then I examined my heart and found that the thing I long for in a church is missing in me. I am very "Reformed", but my biggest qualm with the reformed churches is the overwhelming lack of demonstrated love. But where does the church start? It starts with me! I have a lot of talk, and so little real love. James is my book today because I am the man that says "Go in peace, be warmed and filled"and that is that man I DON'T WANT TO BE!
   May God see fit to bless me a love for others, a love demonstrated by actions.
   
   
3. Hollywood Love:
   Since love is in the air today, might as well comment on the Hollywood love as well. I don't know why its so amazingly hard for me to be content with where God has placed me in life right now. I seem very content with most everything He is doing with me apart from this overwhelming desire for a wife! It does seem that when God is closest so is the desire for a wife and this is the absolute most difficult thing emotionally I am dealing with. Submit my emotions to waiting on God and being at peace and content with His timing is a constant ordeal it seems.
   May this time grow me closer to Him.
   

Tick Tock

As I was coming home from work tonight I vanished into the shadows and just watched our world for a few minutes. It's nice to vanish away and get a little perspective, to watch the cars speed by this way and that. Everyone has something to do, someplace to be; like a giant clock that never starts and never stops and forgets why its ticking.

I started to think about my life, to look at how the hands on my clock keep ticking by. Isn't it interesting how we can only see the clock ticking in our lives but we don't know where it's taking us or why? So many times we can't explain events that happen in our life all we can do is ride on the giant hands of the minutes as it carries us around and around.

So why so melancholy today you may wonder? It's due to the fact that the most amazing thing God created, the women, always happens to be tied to these things we call parents! Time and again I am told I am not to continue in a relationship with her, the reasons tend to be obscure or seemingly unattainable. This has to be the hardest thing I face, the desire for a wife and yet the seemingly endless resistance I get when pursuing the girl. It's so tiring and exhausting and frustrating to be constantly told no and to wait, particularly when I can't understand the reasons.

The past few weeks have been extreme for me, and I am afraid I am not out of the thick of it yet. I have been shaken down to the core, even to the extent of being angry at God, doubting His existence, and fighting to force Him to give in to my demands.

I am pleased to say that He has kept me through the darkest part and continues to keep me as I am taken out of the miry pit. I still struggle daily with my stubbornness and the desire for the most amazing girl sometimes feels as though blades are cutting my heart into ribbons that are left to dry in this hot desert wind.

But the Good News is that Christ has won this battle for me.
The Good News is that my salvation is not kept by me but rather by the Holy Spirit.
The Good News is that the Father is long suffering.
The Good News is that we are saved by grace through faith... and at the end of this very hard week I find I still have faith and I know its only because of God's grace because so many times I was so angry I didn't want that faith, but it remained all the same.
The Good News is that this is nothing new with me, I have never somehow been more holy or a better person, this is the real me and God decided to save me so He sent Christ who gave His life for me.
What Good News... it really is the Gospel of Christ.

Psalm 40

Blog!

Well My blog is not all finished and it may be a while before I get it looking the way I want it to but I am gong to start using it anyway! So enjoy! (or laugh, ether one works :P)